To The Man Who I Planned My Future With
Start writing a post
Life Stages

To The Man I Planned My Future With

An open letter expressing what I couldn't in the last 8 months.

To The Man I Planned My Future With
Destiny Hernandez

"Yeah, I recently had an interview for In-N-Out. You have to tell them what they want to hear. You just have to play them, man."

I should have known then you'd play me as you did them…

But I didn't.

And you did.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't know right away you'd be the sunshine of my life. We had a class together and when I walked you to your next class, you fumbled and hugged me. That's when I knew. I don't know what it was about you, but I knew. I couldn't hold back, and I called my mom to tell her about the guy I just walked and how when he hugged me, I felt chills all over.

"Mom, I think I like him."

I told you from the start.

I had just dealt with an indecisive boy and I told you not to hurt me.

I told you I was pre-med, and I didn't want to play any games.

Mature for my age, I told you I was ready to settle down because I needed some stability in my life.

And you stayed.

Things were great. We'd have lunch together and enjoy our time between classes. We loved being in each other's presence. You'd drive me home and even though when we met you hated taking pictures, you'd always pose for me but then you graduated.

You spent SO much time on your laptop. You neglected me. Then you told me you felt forced to be with me. You said you weren't ready to settle down. I smiled and I told you it was ok. I understood and deep down, I was relieved. I knew I deserved more than your neglect.

But you came back.

And I thought I needed you. The next four months were hard. You tried to visit me at school, but we'd just talk every day. You were going to UCLA and you hated that my family came first. So, I changed that. You became my family and I would lie to my real family to spend more time with you. I would stay on campus under the pretense of my extracurricular activities when you would bring me food or when we'd watch movies in your car or in an empty classroom. You were my precious (we'd watched all the Lord of the Rings movies).

Then you decided I wasn't good enough for you.

You fell for someone else. You hid my photos so she wouldn't know. You say nothing happened, but how could I trust you when you broke up with me for her. I was in too deep and I felt like I wouldn't be good enough for anyone until I was good enough for you and when you came back to me, I took you with open arms, willing to do anything to make you happy.

I'd like to believe you came back to me because you realized I was good for you and you missed me for who I am. But I think it was really because she wouldn't take you after she found out you had a girlfriend.

Still, I took you back and again, you became my priority.

I'd visit you at UCLA even though you never visited me (which is saying a lot because you had a car and I didn't). Granted, I'd visit you when I had events at UCLA, but you never made the effort. I would spend more time with you, higher quality time with you than I would with my family.

But something was off.

You were always high. Or crossed.

You weren't you anymore.

The man I fell in love with had a drive. You stopped going to class, stopped reading ahead of class. But still, I was ok with it because I loved you. You said I never noticed when you were high because we'd have serious conversations with you in that state but that says a lot more about you than it did about me. That became your new normal.

I didn't know who the real you was anymore.

I couldn't walk away. We had our plans set, our future kids' names, our house layout. I didn't want to give up on us.

Then I got accepted to UCLA.

I thought things would get better after this. We'd see each other more often, we'd get to spend our time in between classes together. This was it for us. We took off running. We decided we'd live together. We started looking for apartments and jobs. Until your friend backed out (THANK YOU) and I got a housing offer. You wanted me to give it up and request a single so you can live with me, but it didn't sit well with me. You were pushing so hard for me to request it, but I told you I couldn't because if things didn't work out, I would get stuck with a payment I couldn't afford. Little did I know I'd be right.

You broke up with me right before my first quarter started. We were drunk. After two years, you decided we weren't compatible.

We said we'd be friends, but I had to remove you from Snapchat after I saw a video of another girl on your bed. It wasn't healthy for me.

It's now been eight months without you.

I can say I love myself more than I ever did when I was with you. It's tough sometimes, I'm not going to lie. I want to hear your voice. I want to lay on your chest and hear your heartbeat. I want to feel your arms around me and your lips on my forehead when I'm stressed.

But we don't have that anymore.

I heard you don't live in my building anymore. I heard a story, but only you know the real reason why you're not here. I don't know if I'm relieved or sad. I know for sure I won't see you here anymore. It's bittersweet, really. But I wish you the best.

Good luck in life. Do your best. Do it for whoever your Delilah will be.

I like you and I love you, sunshine.


But I've moved on now and I love myself more than I've ever loved you.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Ancient Roman Kings: 7 Leaders of Early Rome

The names and dates of the reigns of the first four kings, as well as the alternation of Sabin and Latin names, are more legendary than historical. The last three kings, of Etruscan origin, have an existence which seems less uncertain.

inside ancient roman building
Photo by Chad Greiter on Unsplash

It is evident that all this is only a legend although archeology shows us little by little that these kings if they did not exist as the ancient history, describes them, have at least in the very Outlines were real as chief of a shepherd’s tribe. The period when kings ruled Rome could estimate at 245 years.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Love Lost

Being the girl that is falling for the boy is never easy.

Love Lost

You constantly text my phone telling me that you want to see me and hang out, even though we may not have sex we cuddle and that’s intimacy in its own. I’m tired of buying you food and being there for you like a girlfriend when you consistently tell me you aren't ready for a girlfriend. I am constantly feeling I’m getting slapped in the face because I’m doing all these things and getting nothing in return. Every day I feel myself liking you more which is just crazy because why would I even waste my time liking someone there isn’t a future with. I just want you to be honest with me and with yourself, tell me how you feel from your heart, stop just saying you aren’t ready. You are wasting time telling me you aren’t ready because while you are “getting ready” some guy somewhere else is telling me that he likes me and thinks I’m beautiful and wants to date me. I’m not asking for much, but I at least want exclusivity because you ask me for all these things but in return you give me nothing.

Keep Reading...Show less
Pretty Little Liars

From reading the books in eighth grade to watching the television show all throughout high school, "Pretty Little Liars"basically defined my teenage existence. I was completely and totally obsessed on all accounts. However, even though I loved the fact that the books and the show are starkly different, there are simply just some ways in which the books are much better. Let's take a look:

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

To The Girl In The Back Row

I just want you to know you are loved. You are loved so very much.

To The Girl In The Back Row

Recently I was blessed to be a counselor at a wonderful camp, secluded in a cornfield somewhere in Virginia. I consider myself to be a seasoned camp counselor, as I have not only been a camper for most of my life but have been privileged enough to work multiple camps with all kinds of different facilities. I have worked camps with multi-thousand dollar facilities, with zip lines, rock walls, ropes courses, and boats. I have worked at camps with amazing water sports, camps with paintball, camps with canoes and paddle boats and floating blobs or trampolines in the middle of the water. I have worked at camps with in ground pools and camps without any pools, and even some camps with go-karts. I've had problem kids, kids who refuse to listen to anything I say, kids who sneak out after lights out to meet a significant other, and kids who are every camp counselors dream.

Keep Reading...Show less

Why The United Nations Is Key For The World

"As to the U.N., things will be different after Jan. 20th"- Donald J. Trump

Why The United Nations Is Key For The World

The United Nations (UN) has been in existence since June of 1945. Since then, the world has come together to work on and solve some of the harshest problems that face the Human Race. Be it children in societal ills like Human Trafficking, natural issues like Deforestation, or issues of extreme poverty, the UN has worked together in an attempt to make it a better place for us all. It's the only organization in the history of the world to bring people together in a willing, peaceful way; a feat that not even the League of Nations could do in the Post- WWI era. Why was it that one organization failed, and the other one is still going strong, 72 years later?

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments