Last night I came home after a night out with friends and found the sight of my empty bed disgusting. It wasn't the purple comforter, the mismatched pillows, or the clothes piled on top that disturbed me. Rather, it was how my bed reminded me of how lonely I was.

Which got me to thinking, why is it that I feel so alone?

Now when I say "alone" it's not by any means meant to describe myself as a loner. In fact I am really blessed to have great friends, sorority sisters, and family that provide me with the support I need. But after years of building solid relationships with them, I was left craving more. This "loneliness" was stemming from me feeling unbalanced-- like I was missing a part of...myself.

So, then I got to thinking-- what is the next step I should to take in order to resolve my loneliness problem? Which then led me to a deeper realization.

I don't hook up.

I don't casually date.

I don't just give myself to someone because I think they're cute.

...or funny

...or because I'm bored.

In fact, in my mind my soul mate was going to be the first person I truly would have feelings for. Call me old fashioned, but that's how I was raised. My parents have always been the standard for me when it came to love and they were each other's first try. And I guess that's what I’m trying to find too, my perfect match. The Yin to my Yang.

So here's to you Yin, whoever you are, wherever you are I need you to know how I feel.

Dear Yin,

I've seen all the rom-coms and read all the love stories, but nothing really comes close to describing how right we are for each other. As I’m writing this letter I find myself in a struggle of trying to pick between two guys I believe I have feelings for (maybe one of them is you. TBD). One is incredibly kind, sweet, and brings out the best in me. The other is mysterious, quirky, and fun. Both are great guys, but they’re so different from each other. And it just gets me to thinking how for the longest time I had convinced myself I was single because I didn’t know what I wanted, when the truth was I knew exactly what I wanted—a mix of the two. I was drawn to each one of these guys, because they appealed to me in different ways, but before giving them a chance to show me their true self (which maybe was exactly what I wanted) I would bolt.

Why? Because commitment terrified me. Whether it’s the internal fear of not being good enough, or the paralyzing reality that I would no longer be able to be everyone’s go to girl I was scared of devoting myself to just one person. Because what if they’re like me—and change their mind as often as I do. But I guess with that mentality I could “what if” every situation that comes along and forever be alone.

So this is where my journey to find you begins. I promise to no longer be scared of making mistakes, but at the same time hold myself to the standards I believe in as woman. And when we do finally meet I promise to flirt with you forever, and giggle at your lame jokes—and leave you confused as to whether or not your teasing actually left me mad. I promise to listen to your stories of strife and success and give advice from the truest part of my heart. And lastly I promise to let you just happen-- To not get scared when I know I have strong feelings, to not scurry away when I begin to think about being just yours, and to be excited for what the future holds.

I am no longer scared to be alone, because I know I am not. You complete me.

See you soon (hopefully),

Yang