Dear John,
You seemed perfect. Just enough time went by (about three years) for me to forget how much you hurt me the first time. You knew just what to say—you made me fall in love with you once, so it was easy for you to make me do it again. The idea of being with my high school sweetheart again seemed like a fairytale ending. You knew what to say in general to make me happy, and since we were together for a few years the first time, you always knew how to win fights.
You knew how to make me vulnerable. You knew exactly how to hurt me. You knew how to make me feel safe. You were basically a living contradiction in my life. You were a contradiction because I knew we shouldn't be together, but when I was with you I truly believed you were the one. I would look into your green eyes with so much love, but know it would go down in flames; our relationship, round two, was a ticking time bomb. I don't easily trust people and am a huge skeptic, but our chemistry was undeniable. I loved you.
You leaving me again for the same reason the second time (another girl) felt like getting stabbed. Finding out about it on social media again felt like déjà vu. In a way, I thank you for hurting me again—I know if we would have stayed together and eloped like we said we wanted to, you would have kept hurting me like you did. I would've been living a nightmare with you. Maybe there will be someone else who I can feel the same way about in the future. I can only hope.
The first time we broke up I felt like I was physically dying. This time I felt numb. You hurting me the first time prepared me for this new reality. The reality that I will never be with someone who I thought was my soulmate. Sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. I knew you loved me. I would never say you didn't. You were there for me when I needed you. You took care of me.
When we were together, things were perfect. It's just when we weren't that you strayed away. I shouldn't have to be with you all the time for you to be the perfect boyfriend. You shouldn't have tried to get revenge on me for being away from you. It's childish and possessive. I never did anything to hurt you, you even admitted that.
You made me stronger, John. You made me realize I shouldn't be hurt the way you hurt me twice. I now know better. I will not put up with anything I don't deserve anymore. I know my worth, and I know I am awesome and offer a lot to someone I love. I still believe there is someone out there for me, someone who I can truly trust. Someone who isn't as vindictive as you. You came into my life again and shattered my heart. My heart is slowly but surely being repaired. I have a great support system, family, and head on my shoulders to know I shouldn't be depressed over you. You did the right thing and left again. You could never offer me what I wanted. 100 percent trust.
You'll always be my first love,
Karen
