Dear [wrong] humans,
The world can be divided into two sets of individuals – people who enjoy pineapple on their pizza and normal people.
Tell me something honestly – would you put apple slices on your pizza?
What about some orange slices or grapes?
No? Oh, I wonder why.
Perhaps because pizzas were created to be savory foods. Pineapples are not savory at all; they are meant to be placed in cups of yogurt or dipped in chocolate. Not on top of a beautiful bed of freshly baked dough, ripe tomato sauce, melty mozzarella cheese, and garnished with garden-fresh basil. Such a sin as adding pineapple to a pizza would have Raffaele Esposito, the creator of the modern pizza, rolling in his grave.
I will admit, there is one case where pineapple is acceptable on a pizza – a fruit pizza. In case you don't know, a fruit pizza sugar cookie or a gram cracker crust, cream cheese or chocolate frosting, and various fruits. If we're being honest, this isn't a real pizza. If this were considered a real pizza, anything circular and covered with various other items would also be considered pizza (and we really don't want Lunchable's to start thinking their pizza is equivalent to actual pizza, do we?).
In case you need any other reasoning, Gordon Ramsey said that pineapple does not belong on pizza and he is the king of all things cooking.
Sincerely,
A pizza lover
P.S. despite your horrible food choices, I will continue to love and respect you nonetheless (just please don't expect me to share a pizza with you).