I have constantly been in and out of relationships since I was about 14. I have been cheated, mistreated, used, abused and everything in between. I have gone through the typical stages of wondering if I wasn’t good enough or if I just attracted the wrong type of guys. All of the relationships would start out the same- promises to never hurt me, promises of loyalty, promises to always be there for each other, promises, promises, promises. None of these promises ever seemed to last, though. Now, before I go on, I am not saying that I was perfect and never made mistakes. I did. Everyone does. I owned up to them though, took responsibility, tried to fix it. I had trust issues, and rightfully so, but I fought with everything I had to suppress them. After all, Boyfriend #3 wasn’t responsible for the lies of Boyfriend #1 and so on. It was difficult, but I managed most of the time and was honest with my partner about all of it.
After a few months of being separated from my most recent boyfriend at the time, I was ready to try again, (I’m a relationship person if you can’t tell). After countless failed attempts of the “pre-dating” or “talking” phase, not to mention a few terrible dates, I was ready to give up, and I did. Then I met you.
I will never forget actually seeing you for the first time and blurting my name out like an idiot. You were so sweet, but not the kind of sweet that was forced, the kind that just came so naturally to you. I think I knew then that you were about to completely turn my world upside down, for the better of course. What I didn’t know then was how quickly you were going to do it.
I couldn’t believe how quickly we connected. It was like we had known each other for years. I was so comfortable around you, and that is very rare for me. I had never let my guard down that fast. It was honestly terrifying. Part of me kept telling myself not to get my hopes up, the other part was telling me to ignore the first part and just enjoy myself, and I did. Then I fell for you.
I fell for you like one falls asleep, you don’t really know that you are doing it until you wake up from your “30-minute nap” three hours later. I had fallen, and I don’t think even Life Alert could have gotten me up. You were everything I had been praying for. You were my blessing. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I still can’t. You showed me what it was like to be truly happy. You showed me that I could trust someone other than myself. You showed me that I deserved to be loved.
There wasn’t a minute spent with you that I didn’t treasure, even if we were just lying around watching TV. I had never felt so safe with anyone. I knew that as long as you were with me, nothing bad was going to happen. I prayed a lot before I met you, and continued to afterwards. But my prayers changed. They shifted from please to thanks. I prayed to God so hard for him to bring me a man who would treat me the way I deserved, protect me, cherish me, and let me do the same for him. I often considered giving up, but I told myself to have faith, and I did. Then He gave me you.
