To My Ex Best Friend From High School

To My Ex Best Friend From High School

Losing a friend can be harder than losing a lover.

Dear Ex Best Friend,

Do you remember that time when we met the first day of Anime club at our high school? I was that girl who would not stop talking to you. I remember making it my mission to annoy you because it was funny. But, our friendship didn’t spawn from that. Rather, it was when I reached out to you at our school trip to ACEN and told you to join our group. I expected you to say no, but you didn’t. We spent the whole day together checking out booths and admiring cosplay of our favorite anime characters and I remember in the note you wrote for my High School Graduation Jar you said that day meant a lot to you. You said don’t be like those people in college who stop talking to their high school friends. And I listened to you.

I look back at the start of our friendship and what it became and I wonder what happened. I look back and see the arch, the ebb and flow of our love for each other, whether or not we shared the same type of love. I look back at how we changed as people even though we resented those changes we saw in each other. We weren’t willing to accept what growing up will do to you.

The best thing about college is that I could separate myself from who high school claimed I was. I didn’t have to be that loud spazz that seemed to find the stupidest things to say. The girl who wasn’t capable of deep thought. That weird annoying girl who wore skirts with jeans and dyed her bangs blonde to prove a point. I wanted to prove that I could be more than that. I wanted to prove that in those four years, I had changed. I had grown into my body and my mind had grown too, through experience, both good and bad. I wanted to be confident with who I was and not who people thought I was. I didn’t want to feel like I had to be anything but me.

The summer before college when you began sending applications out to universities, I convinced you to apply to Columbia because they had a video game degree. Video games were something you were always passionate about. You applied and you got in. The summer after my first year in college, we spent most of vacation together. We’d hang out at the park by my house and cuddle and we hung out at your house and played Rock Band. We’d go on walks and talk. You mentioned that I was different since before college. I did change. I had gone through a lot living on my own. Living away from people who had spent fifteen years creating a permanent image of me, hiding from heartbreak of an ex, discovering what it meant to be a writer, what it meant to actually take care of myself, what it meant to be out at three in the morning because you’re eighteen and no longer have a curfew.

We spent that summer planning your first year of college. I will admit, when I found out we’d be living in the same dorm building, I felt a little nervous. Space became an issue. I worried that you’d rely on me as your only friend on campus. I worried that we’d spent too much time together and grow sick of each other. We hung out the first week of classes. That was one of the few times we really could hangout. I remember we went to the zoo together with two of my other friends. I remember hanging out in your dorm room playing guitar. Then class workload caught up with us. I began to socialize with new people. We didn’t have time for each other. When we did hang out, things seemed weird. There were less laughs and less smiles. More discomfort. You didn’t like it when I didn’t text back, yet I always seemed to have my phone out when we hung out. You didn’t like that I seemed like I never paid attention to what you were saying. I always seemed distracted. I didn’t like that you were so judgmental. I didn’t like that you wanted to police me on every little thing. So what if you thought I wasn’t paying attention. I was.

I remember the first time I told you that I drank a lot in college. I wasn’t sure how you’d think about that. You were the type of person who wouldn’t even swear because you thought it was immoral. I swore like a sailor. You weren’t okay with how much I drank. I don’t know if it was because I was underage at the time or if it was that you thought there was something unethical about getting drunk at a college party, but that’s when things started going downhill for us. You realized we didn’t share the same moral compass.

I remember when you told me you were in love with me. I mean in love. Not the platonic friendship love, the I think you are the world love. I knew you had a crush on me. I knew you liked me. And I knew I loved you but not in the same way. I look back at that now and laugh a little, because I wonder how you could possibly have been in love with me when you didn’t seem to know the real me at all. You told me I changed so much since high school. You told me you missed the old me. Were you really in love with me or were you in love with what you hoped I still was?

That was a downward slope in our friendship too. I understand that rejection hurts. It feels like nothing matters and everything tastes terrible. But it made it harder to feel comfortable spending time with you. I think you were uncomfortable too and I don’t blame you. I do blame you for not getting over it. For not remembering that I was your friend and a person and not someone just you have unrequited romantic feelings for.

Maybe the straw that broke our friendship was when you found out I smoked weed for the first time. I wasn’t sure how to tell you about this because I knew how you felt about drinking. I could only imagine what you would have to say about this. But you were my best friend. I didn’t want to keep secrets from you.

I remember your exact words and they still echo in my mind. “I can handle the drinking but I cannot handle you smoking weed.”

We became distant after that. We stopped hanging out. We’d see each other in passing. Sometimes we’d wave at each other, other times we’d ignore each other completely. Then you texted me that we needed to talk. We met in the stairway of our shared dorm building. There were tears in your eyes. I asked you what you needed to talk about. You explained to me how you felt. How you felt I had changed and you didn’t like the changes, how I never seemed to pay attention when we hung out, how you didn’t like that I drank, that I got high, that I never texted back, that I wasn’t a good friend. You said you didn’t want to be friends anymore. I told you my side. That I do care. That I’m generally bad at messaging friends. That I have changed because people always change. You decided to stay my friend after that.

Things seemed fine. We hung out during winter break. I met your friends and played D and D and Super Smash Bros. You drew me that picture of me wearing a yellow sweater (my favorite color,) standing next to a Christmas tree and snow. It looked just like me. When we started the next semester, we tried to spend more time together. I remember one time you showed me your project for a class where you had to make a comic about your life story and you felt so proud to show it to me. That was one of the last great memories I have with you.

We grew busy again. I met a guy that I fell in love with. I remember you didn’t like him. I spent the summer in Chicago and you went back to our hometown. We didn’t hang out that summer. When fall semester started up again, you texted me to give you back that red sweater I borrowed from your brother a long time ago, around when we first started to hang out. You didn’t tell me why. You just said it was important. I remember handing back the sweater and I could see that something was off. You were colder. Less engaged. I didn’t get that warmness I got from you when we spent summers cuddling in the park. You deleted me as your friend on Facebook which might seem like a petty detail but we live in an age where social media means everything. You stopped texting me altogether. I remember the first time I saw you in months when I was in the computer lab of the video game building. I know you saw me that day, but you ignored me and that wouldn’t be the last time you’d ignore me.

I’m writing this letter to you right now because you called me out of the blue a few days ago. I was sitting at a KFC eating lunch and my cell phone rang and it was a phone number from my hometown but if I knew it was you, I wouldn’t have answered the phone. I don’t think you understand how much pain I felt losing you as a friend. Knowing that you never wanted to take the chance to learn the real me. That you couldn’t accept me for me. That you were offended that I wasn’t considerate of your feelings- on what? On morals? On your feelings for me? On who you wanted me to be?

I answered the phone and heard your voice and you said “Hey it’s -. I just called to ask how do you go about looking for an apartment in Chicago.” Unfortunately, I’m a nice person who doesn’t always say what’s on their mind. I gave you the information and you said, “Well that’s all that I needed.” And you hung up. After ignoring me for months, you hung up. No explanation. Nothing. Maybe you never owed me an explanation for ending our friendship. For deciding that I was a ghost when we crossed paths on campus, but I can definitely say that under no circumstances is calling me after ignoring my existence for eight months is acceptable.

I hope you never do that again. I’ll miss the good times we had together. But I won’t miss the times you weren’t there for me when I needed you. I won’t miss how you judged me for not being who you wanted me to be. I won’t miss those things. And maybe someday, I won’t miss you.

Best of Luck With the Rest of Your Life,


Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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11 Ways You Found The Cristina To Your Meredith

"We're friends, real friends, and that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally decide to look back, I'll still be here."

The term "my person" describes the relationship between two people who have reached the highest level of friendship. They're people who have ridden the roller coaster of life together for so long that their lives would be boring without each other. In "Grey's Anatomy," the characters of Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang describe each other as each other's "person." They have a perfect friendship. Everyone (including myself) strives to achieve a friendship like theirs. What is it like to have "your person?"

1. Your person will tell it like it is.

If you think that your new haircut looks bad or if that dress makes you look fat, your person is always there to reassure you that nobody cares.

2. Your person is always on your team.

Whether it's an argument between you and your parents or you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, your person will always be there. They will go to bat for you 10/10 times and they will always be there to have your back.

3. Your person will celebrate the small victories with you.

Did you go an entire day without crying? Awesome, let's celebrate! Did you eat something other than chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? That's wonderful! The small victories count the most.

4. They will listen to you, even when you are ranting about the craziest things.

Let's face it, we have all been there. When it's late at night and we're laying in bed, thinking of the world's hardest questions, and you start to think about crazy scenarios, your person is always there to listen.

5. People instantly think that you and your person are a couple.

You aren't a couple, you just understand each other on a much higher level, so people think that you guys are in a relationship. Just go with it.

6. Your person isn't afraid to tell you that they are embarrassed by you.

Everyone gets embarrassed about each other at one point or another. Most people just pretend that it doesn't happen. Your person is going to flat out tell you that your actions and the things that you say embarrass the crap out of them.

7. Your person isn't afraid to knock you down a few notches.

Just when you think that you are on top of the world, your person will come and pop the growing balloon known as your head. They aren't afraid to snap you back into reality.

8. They will build you up faster than they will tear you down.

Yes, they will bring you back to reality and tell you like it is, but they will also be the first one to encourage you and to tell you how wonderful you are.

9. Your person is not afraid to call your bluff.

They will call you out on your BS and make you tell them how you really feel, so they can help fix you.

10. You stick together no matter what.

Even though you get mad at each other, or don't speak for a few days, you will always stick together.

11. In the end, no matter what, no matter who comes in and out of your life, your person will always be your person.

Your person is there no matter what. They care when no one else does and they are always there to hold your hand.

Find your person and never let them go. They are your best friend, your worst enemy, and your biggest critic, but they know you better than you know yourself sometimes.

As for my "person," you know who you are. I love you and couldn't do life without you.

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To My Best Friend At A Rival University

No amount of school rivalry could ever change our friendship.


In high school, we were practically inseparable- you and I and all of our friends. Even though we saw each other every day during the week (when both of us decided to actually go to school, at least; senioritis was real and it was rough), we usually saw each other at least once over the weekend, whether it be a coffee date at Starbucks, a sleepover, or a trip to the movies.

We would go on spontaneous trips to the local ice cream shop (for us, it was Twistee Treat) far too often for our own good. We spent so many summer days at theme parks, followed by sleepovers that consisted of painting each other's nails, baking break-and-bake cookies, and falling asleep in the middle of 'Men in Black.'

Now, we attend rival universities. The stories we share involve names and places foreign to the other. We each have friends that know us apart from one another. Some days, we hardly get a moment to talk, other than sending funny memes back and forth through Instagram.

Though it may seem like being away at rival schools would hurt our friendship, I think it's only made us closer.

When I come to visit you (or you visit me), we always make the most of our time, knowing that it's limited. We often do the same things we would've done at home, but in new locations, which makes it even more fun. Sometimes, I wish we would've chosen the same school- because having your best friend with you, sharing new experiences is always better than not- but I know we're each happy where we are. We're making new friends and new memories, which makes for new stories to share with one another.

I know that I can share anything with you without fear of judgment, and I think you know the same.

Even though we can't just stop by unannounced anymore, planning weekend trips to visit one another is still really fun.

Sure, we go to rival universities and we will never agree on whose school is superior, but in the grand scheme, it doesn't even matter. Your school is extremely lucky to have you and in my eyes, you are what makes it great.

No matter the distance, no matter how strong the rivalry between our schools, you will always be my best friend and the memories we've cultivated throughout our friendship will never be forgotten. I can't promise I'll wear your school colors again (that was a one-time thing and does not diminish my love and respect for my school!), but I can promise that you'll always have a friend in me.

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