I love you. I just want you to know that first of all. Mama, I really do love you, and you are doing a great job. I’m serious. I know I’ve hurt you in the past, and most likely will in the future, mostly because of the human I am. Thank you, though, for still loving me, and caring for me.

About a week or two ago, I told you something very important about my life. This something has been going on for a good 2 1/2 years; started off small, and got worse as the days came by. I was frightened to even tell you about this, to ask you for love, for you to hold your little baby girl. When I told you, I felt light, like a burden came off my back. I never thought this was something to be burdened by. Now, I feel better. I kind of feel happier, I guess I could say. That night, we both cried, our eyes fled so much water, we could fill a swimming pool together. When we hugged, you told me, and I remember these words well, “You are so loved. You are so cared for. You are so beautiful. And I am so sorry.” Mama, you also asked me, “Was it something I did?” Mama. Please, never think that. Everything you do has nothing to do with my problem. All you do for me is love me. And I thank you for that. You can never put me in this state of mind. What goes on in my head is something else, something unknown. Nothing from you.

Once again, I love you so much, mama. You may not know everything yet, but I am trying to protect you from my dark side. I hope you never see the scars or know of the voices at night. I hope you never realize why I am on the phone for two hours every night, because once you know, your heart may just break more. Although, I am relieved you know, and thankful that you care. I am glad you know that I am getting help, and that you are trying to help as well. Mama, thank you. Mama, I love you. Mama, I am sorry.

Love,

Your Little Baby Girl.