First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you. Three years ago, my uncle died from a heart attack, and I know how this type of loss feels. Losing them was especially hard because they seemed to slip right out of your hands.
Finding out they died unexpectedly is getting the wind knocked out of your lungs. It’s a wrench in your stomach. It’s a knife, constantly twisting in your chest. You can’t breathe. And the worst part is, in most cases, you don’t see it coming. The surprise of the circumstance causes a lot of devastation and grieving at once, and maybe some regret.
It had been about a month since I had talked to my uncle, and the regret welled up inside of me. I was constantly distraught with the fact that I never got to say goodbye… No one had gotten to say goodbye. Getting in your last goodbye wasn’t your top priority when you last saw your loved one. You didn’t think it would be the last time. The last time I saw my uncle was at Christmas, his favorite day of the year. I feel solace in knowing my last day with him was filled with family, laughter and love. In some cases, your last time with someone may not have been peaceful… You can’t linger on the fact that they didn’t get the proper goodbye -- that was out of your control. Your loved one was a loved one because you loved them, and regret makes it harder to come to terms with their death.
My question the past 3 years has been, “why?” Why did he have to die? He was not in pain. He was not old. He was not sick, not suffering. He wasn’t ready to die. It still haunts me why he was taken from us so soon, and I wonder what would have happened if someone was there to help him. I’m sure you think similar things when you think back to the day your loved one died… Why did they have to be taken from your life so suddenly? How are you supposed to live without them?
Death is never easy to bear, especially in cases of sudden death. Please keep in mind that they did not have to fight through a sickness. Depending on the situation, they did not feel pain; and if they did, it was short-lived. If they were young, that may be the hardest fact to deal with. They had a life before them, and it’s hard to accept that they couldn’t experience it. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Three years later, my family is still dealing with the loss of my uncle. I lost my Godfather, my mom lost her big brother and my cousins lost their dad. Christmas isn’t the same without him, but time heals. You lost your loved one too fast and too soon, and I know, it’s not fair. You can agonize over the goodbye you never got, or question the reason they were taken away. Or, you can remember the many years you spent with them, and the love that will last beyond the boundaries of life and death.
