Growing up, I felt locked inside myself; I was the “quiet girl." I envied the peppy cheerleaders and bold soccer girls, and I pretended to be annoyed by them when, in reality, I just wanted to be them. I wanted to be surrounded by girlfriends and have guy friends, but it was as though unless I was with someone I was 100% comfortable with, my happy and bubbly personality shut down and I became trapped by my own scared, timid, and quiet persona.
Girls would ask what was wrong with me, why I was so quiet, or say how they didn’t even notice that I was there. Teachers would hush the class anytime I was talking and sometimes I would come home crying and wondering why I couldn’t just speak up. I hated feeling trapped inside of myself, having people respond to me with condescension, and feeling like I was ignored.
Why did I shut down? It was for several reasons: for one, I was afraid of being vulnerable and putting myself out there. Secondly, I was afraid that if I came out of my shell, people would think I was crazy— it sounds ridiculous, but it was a legitimate fear. Thirdly, I was intimidated. The popular girls, or the loud-and-proud girls, or the girls who had a lot of friends, the girls who weren’t afraid to joke with the teacher and their friends in class, they all intimidated me.
Eventually, I slowly started to grow out of my “shyness,” and it was because I made a conscious decision that I wanted a change. I began recognizing my progression instead of my lack of it. I began setting goals, and stopped focusing on what other people would think of me. I stopped comparing myself to other girls and actually started thinking about what I wanted for my life! I started actually enjoying life!
The point of my story is this: you are not what people say you are. You aren’t the “shy” or “quiet” girl unless you say so. You aren’t a label, or stereotype. You are you. Being shy is not a bad thing by any means. I knew for myself personally that that wasn’t who I was naturally. So if you’re naturally shy, embrace it! Even now, I have times where I am shy, and even though it has been difficult to reconcile myself with that, it’s been a lot easier embracing the fact that I am not a shy person, but that I do have times where I am shy.
Lastly, you are not one type of woman. Every woman is a conglomeration of different traits, thoughts, perceptions, and behaviors. It doesn’t mean you lack an identity, it means that you are dynamic and possess a rich identity filled with layers of you. So love who you are, don't compare, and don't confine yourself or other women to "types" of people. Putting others in a box only confines potentials and we all deserve more than that.
