Dear Boyfriend,
I’m watching you. Don’t fool yourself for a second into thinking that you don’t need my approval. A best friend’s word can make or break the start of a relationship. Think about it: we’re the ones who they tell their secrets to, we’re the ones who stay up late at night with them gossiping, we’re the ones who give them fashion advice, and we’re the ones who they will tell every juicy detail concerning this new guy in their lives. So if you think that you don’t need to worry about impressing her friends, oh how very wrong you are. Let me tell you why.
We’re in college. You may think that her dad isn’t around to impress and that you’re off the hook, but I’m basically worse than her dad because I will most likely see you more often than her parents ever will. I will see you on campus, maybe in class, and I’ll know how dedicated you are, or are not, to your education. I will see you at parties and I will know if you fool around with any other girl or if you just happen to be a messy drunk (because no girl likes that). If I live with her, I will see you at our house and I will know how you treat her in a normal everyday setting.
Don’t forget that people talk. If you do something stupid, something that you would rather she not find out about, I will find out because your secret is never safe with anyone. People will know what you did or will witness you doing it and they will talk. Word gets around and before you know it, one of your friend’s girlfriend’s roommate’s is in the same English class as me and she’s telling me all about what you did. It’s a small world out there, especially on a college campus.
I will ask you insistent questions and you are just going to have to deal with it. I want to know what your major is, where you’re from, what your favorite book is, what you do in your spare time, what your plans are for the future. You know, the little things.
If you do hurt her then that is a whole other story. If you make her feel like anything less than the amazing person that she is or if you in any way cause her to come to me crying about you, just know that I’m coming for you. We may be adults, but we are not above tee-peeing your house or saran-wrapping your car.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I know I’ve been pretty intimidating up to this point, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. Sure, we can get to know each other and have a mutual likeness for the other person because at the end of the day we both want the same thing: for my friend and your girlfriend to be happy — the means of accomplishing that happiness is simply different from each of our own points of views. You need to simply be respectful and caring towards her, while I need to be on guard and aware of you. How this relationship goes is completely up to you. All you have to do is not mess up and follow the advice that I’ve so graciously laid out for you.
Oh and by the way, if this is my Little we’re talking about, then simply be prepared for all of this — only to a much higher degree.
I hope you have a nice day.
Sincerely,
The Best Friend
