They will tell you, you did it to yourself. They will remind you it was your fault for staying. They will ask you "What the hell were you thinking?" They think that it's easy. It's six months later, and they wonder why you aren't over it, why you claim you're different. They will tell you a lot of things that will make you feel stupid and you are going to realize just how little you thought of yourself in those moments.
I know you feel trapped, like you can't escape. I know he has made you believe that there isn't a single person in this world that will ever love you like he does. He has reminded you that you are worthless, you are pathetic—so much that it becomes poetic. Look at me—so dull and weak, so ugly and bleak, yet he chose me, he loves me. I know you think back on it now and you wonder how you could ever let that happen. I know that you regret it.
I promise you that this journey will never be easy. You will never love the same. But I also promise you that leaving will be the hardest and the easiest thing you will ever do. I promise you that a year from now you will see it; you will see how much more blissful your life is. You see, my life is so very far from being perfect, my life is the absolute furthest thing from perfect, but me? I smile a lot more and I laugh all the time. I have these "oh wow" moments when I think, "I love my life."
I say it'll be easy because almost instantly, you'll feel this relief—the weight of everything you have been through will finally be released. However, I'm not here to fool you, because I promise it will be hard. Coming out of this, you will have a lot of scars. You will have a lot of triggers, words and actions that will stop you in your tracks. I can almost guarantee they will knock you two steps back. So I want you to know that there are a few things you can expect—the first being that you'll have trouble finding respect for the person you are and that you were, that you will be. It is extremely important that you learn to love yourself, and when you do, don't you dare apologize for it.
Number two: you will never love the same. You will come across people who treat you like a queen. They will be everything you could ever ask for and you will pass them up. You will think it is too good to be true, and sometimes it might be. The world has a way of breaking your heart that way, but don't give up because even you deserve to be happy.
Number three is my favorite because it will open up your eyes. You will open up to people who won't give a damn if you cried. They will judge you and pity you and tell you that you're dumb but I'm begging you to remember just how far you have come. Pay no mind to those who think you are weak because if you have made it this far, you are strong. You are stronger than you think. If there's anything you do after the fact, whatever you do, don't look back. Don't be afraid to talk about it because secrets are what got you in this deep. Who knows? Maybe talking about it will save someone like me.
