I know it’s not what you had in mind. I know it’s not what you expected or sought after. But guess what? It’s what I wanted and what I had in mind, so that’s what I did. I banana’d you. But let me start from the beginning and explain.
It started earlier that day. I was at the grocery store with my mom. She always knows best. Moms do. That’s just how it goes. That morning, I had watched a funny and informative video on using different fruits in the bedroom, and knew a banana was good for you and I. Not only because of our love of bananas, but because you and I love to branch out. And also because I know that you’re into more than you let on. So, this is what happened.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Can you help me to pick out a banana for my night with Bernard?”
“Well…ok. What do you need it for, though?”
“Well…ok, Mom. Do not judge me! I am going to banana Bernard. He loves fruit.”
“Oh! I see. Ok. Well the trick to finding the best kind of banana is for it to be squishy, yet firm. Yellow, yet green. Soft, but hard. And juicy, yet dry.”
“Well…ok, Mom.”
So…my mom eventually found the perfect banana. And that’s when the fun began.
I went over to Bernard’s house that night. His sister, Jane, was already waiting by the door to greet me. It’s like she already knew about my love for fruit. She asked me how I felt about free government healthcare, but I declined to answer. Instead, I said: “Jane, I am only here to Banana Bernard. However, I hope he does have government subsidized healthcare…because after this, he will need it.” She quietly said “ok,” and scurried upstairs to summon Bernard.
Bernard: I know what you’re thinking. “Lemma!!! Are you really going to tell the WORLD about our experience with the banana?” Well…ok, Bernard. No, I am not. But I just have this to say to you.
I know it’s not what you had in mind, but I wanted to thank you for finally allowing me to be myself with you. I love who I am with you. I love how you let me be myself. I love you, Bernard. I love you so much.
Love always,
Lemma
