Dear (insert name here),
I probably used the infamous phrase, “It’s not you, it’s me.” I probably faded out after the first time you messed up or made me feel like it wouldn't work because of something small. But honestly, you just treated me how I should be treated. You were always good to me, we communicated daily, you bought me food (key to my heart), you laughed with me and did everything you should’ve done to treat me well. But I’m not used to that. I’m used to begging for a second of someones time, thinking of the funniest stuff I know to get him to crack a smile, paying for my food because I don't want to feel like a burden, and only getting a text back every once and a while.
You showed me what it was like to feel important and desirable, but I didn't know how to accept that. So I ran. I created an idea of you in my head that made me push you away. I made all of your small flaws seem like mountains that I wasn't willing to climb. When in reality, they were just pebbles. I made your gentle nature seem submissive and weak. I made myself believe that we wouldn't work out and that it was a waste of my time to try. I made your quirkiness seem embarrassing and your schedule seem unfitting with mine. And for that, I am truly sorry.
You deserve someone who sees your mountains as pebbles, your baggage as triumphs, and your willingness to love as a sense of innocence and not insecurity.
I’ll be honest- I’m a pretty broken person. I’ve hurt more people than I can count on one hand and I’ve been hurt by just as many. One time my mom and I were talking about how my ‘relationship’ was going and I told her I was over it. When she asked why, I had no legitimate reason. You had done nothing wrong. And the only response I had to give was “I’d rather hurt him before he hurts me.” I’m struggling to come up with a way to justify that. And there isn’t one. The only thing I can say is that I pushed you away because my heart wasn't ready. I’ve learned that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. And that no matter how hard you try, you can’t use someone else to fix yourself. I’ve had my heart broken many times. And none of them were your fault- but I made it seem like it was. I was too afraid to give you a chance with the fear of being hurt and left to heal all over again.
I hope you read this and realize that it really isn’t your fault. I don't think anything you could've said or done would have changed the outcome. I’m sorry I hurt you before I even gave you a chance, and I'm sorry you were left questioning yourself and future relationships. That’s what happens when you try to love a broken girl.
Sincerely,
Me.
