One thing that I am not good at is expressing my feelings. I don't know why it is difficult for me, but I can never seem to force it into spoken words. Some people view me as a little standoffish because of this. My mom tells me that it could make me seem intimidating, which can sometimes reflect the wrong image.
I find it easier to express my emotions through writing, which is what is hidden in the short stories and poems that I write. But this time, I am going to be direct. There is one emotion that is particularly hard for me to express, and that is gratitude. I rarely say "thank you," to others, especially my family members.
I do not understand why this is so difficult for me. Trust me, I try, and I have tried multiple times to figure out why this happens to me. I am better at this with my parents, but it still doesn't happen often. The people that I sometimes forget to thank are my siblings. I have three soon-to-be step-brothers, one soon-to-be step-sister and one biological sister.
I can tell that it is difficult for them to "read" me and understand what I'm feeling. And, as I said, it is easier for me to write it out, so, brothers and sisters, this is for you:
Oldest brother, the first one is for you.
I never really saw you much, because we barely knew each other for a year before you moved away for a job states away, but in that time, I came to know what a real brother-sister relationship is. When you moved into the basement for a couple months, I was excited that I would be able to get to know you better. We developed a real relationship, bonding over the weirdest things. I had lots of fun making meals together and arguing about who knew more in general — not to mention we are birthday twins. You became a big brother figure to me, and I hope to withstand the distance between us. You taught me that just being funny in general can light up a room.
Middle brother...
I know we haven't gotten the chance to become that close over the past year, but I just want to say that you are amazing. From you, I have learned that hope can conquer all, and even the smallest relationship can mean something. Whenever we did click, it was all fun and games, and I couldn't be more thankful.
Youngest brother, the way I remembered you when we first met...
...was that you were really good in math, and I knew you would help me if I ever asked, even though I never did. I knew from stories and in-person experiences that you have always been very kind and considerate, and you taught me to value those characteristics and keep them close to heart. You are also really good at fencing, and it almost made me want to join it just to play with the sword, so thank you.
Oldest sister, this is one that took a lot of thought to write.
Because if I were writing something to say thank you for everything you have done for me, it would be a freaking essay, but here goes a paragraph. We hit it off right from the start, and that is something that means so much to me. We can talk about everything, and I can't begin to explain how grateful I am for you to actually get me to talk about my feelings. Yes, there are things that we both do that get on each other's nerves, but it doesn't matter because you have made my life significantly better.
Bio-sister, the one thing I am going to begin with is...
... that we are literally polar opposites when it comes to personality, which makes it really hard for us to get along. I know that I probably have not been the greatest sister that I should have been, and I am truly sorry for that. I am trying, though, and I hope you know that. I do wish that we become closer than we are now, even if you may think otherwise. I just want you to know that I am so, so grateful for you, even though I don't show it.
