An Open Letter To My First Real Love

Even though there were others before you and there will be others after you, you were the first guy who showed me what love truly is. I remember you finding me at a bonfire on the beach during the summer of 2012 and you gave me your sweatshirt because you noticed that I was freezing. Despite me being very shy and saying very little, you stayed the whole night and still found ways to make me laugh and blush so hard my cheeks started to hurt. After you walked me back to my cabin, I was left with a feeling that I would later come to find that this was called love, something I didn't really know what it felt like until you came along. Yes, I already knew of this crazy little thing through my family and friends, but this was one of a kind. You saw me for who I was, not just one thing in particular. To be honest with you, the fact that you set your sights on me was really shocking. I was really quiet and not very confident, which isn't something that's very attractive, especially to guys. You were confident, tall, popular, and there was just something about you that I was insanely attracted to. The fact that you chose to chase me anyway was something that I could not understand. Inevitably, I fell in love with your kind heart, sense of humor, and that smile of yours that could light up an entire football field.

The year that we spent together is something that I will always look back on with happiness. I remember you refusing to let me to pay for our food or movie tickets, and carrying me everywhere when I was too lazy to walk. I also remember the times when you would stay up late holding me in your arms and trying to make me laugh because you couldn't stand to see me cry. I also remember the sincerity and love whenever you would compliment me, hold me in your arms, always holding hands, and especially our first kiss. You taught me to live in the moment, not to be afraid to be adventurous and spontaneous. You showed me what it’s like to be outspoken and confident and for that I am forever grateful for you. But like any relationship, things got tough. There were times when we would have our shouting matches and disagreements, but I never lost sight of how much Ioved you. I wanted nothing more than for you to know that you could lean on me in your times of distress, but you kept pushing yourself away from me even more and I never understood why. For a long time, I figured that it might've been that others before me that might have ruined the concept of trust for you, which is understandable. But I wanted you to know more than anything is that I would have never done anything to hurt you; I would have never judged you because I cared and loved you that much. But, it wasn’t enough to save what we had.

The most difficult part for me was knowing I had to say goodbye to you. Every time I looked at you I saw the stars in your eyes that captured me when we first met and I wanted to stay with you through it all. But we knew it wasn't going to work and that this had to come to an end. I remember crying my eyes out for day because I could feel my heart slowly breaking and I didn't want the day to come but I knew it was coming anyway. All I can say is that I'm glad I had you for the time we spent together. You showed me what it means to love someone and never take anything for granted and I'm so thankful to have had you in my life. While, I may not have been the type of girl to make the first move at the time and have been very difficult, you still found a way to love me. Although we may be apart that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, that I don’t wonder, that I don’t think about you. Wherever life may take you I just want you to know that you will always have my love and support every step of the way. That’s what love is after all, isn’t it? And thank you for showing me what love is.

Maybe our paths will cross sometime again in the near future, and despite that we barely speak to each other anymore, just remember that I loved you, a part of me always will. All I can say is, thank you for everything, for being my first real love, and that I love you.