Hey You,

I would have addressed this more personally, but I have zero idea what to actually call you. You always hated the name your parents gave you, and I know you tried out many others throughout the years. Spoiler Alert: There will be more. But you will find one that sticks. Oh, and pro-tip...stay away from the feminine choices. I guarantee you, your forever name is not Alissa, Heather, or Lovely.

With that being said, it's probably best to get some other harsh truths out of the way now. No, you will not be with your first love. Yes, you will be 4'7" for the rest of your life. You're going to lose your Auntie and your Grandpa very soon, so spend time with them while you still can. You're not going to become a world-renowned dance teacher or dance for the Disney parks. In fact, you're basically going to stop dancing all together after you start college. The majority of your friends now will be distant memories in another year or two. Your cinnamon allergy gets worse. Your first (and only) one-night-stand is going to give you Chlamydia. And when you're 22, you'll be diagnosed with a chronic illness that finally puts a name to that pain and nausea you get all the time.

But, hey! You're alive! Which probably seems impossible after all you’ve gone through. Right now, you’re probably wondering how you’re going to survive another day, let alone another year or more. Those struggles you’re facing aren’t going to go away completely. And as you can see, you’re going to go through a lot more shit with time. But, things will get better. I promise. You will finally get that “change” you’ve been insisting that you need and, as it turns out, it was exactly what you needed...you’ve just been looking for it in all the wrong places.So, yes, that means you can stop obsessively rearranging your room and lying about your hobbies to strangers on the Internet to meet “better” friends. (You should also stop trying so hard to impress your mother. But, truth be told, you’re still struggling with that one now.)

Here’s what you have to look forward to. You’re going to find a style that is completely your own. Not your mother’s. Not your friends’. Not stolen from some super hot scene kid you found on Myspace. Just you. You’re going to cut your hair. Short. And I know, you hated when you had short hair in the 6th grade but I promise, that was just because your mother insisted they give you the ugliest style ever. Try a more masculine cut this time. Trust me, you’ll rock it. You’re going to stop buying bras with enough padding to double as a life jacket. Actually, you’re going to stop buying bras at all. (Oh, and don’t throw away that ugly sports bra your grandma got you for Christmas. It’ll be a life-saver until you can afford your first binder.) Say goodbye to the thick black eyeliner you’ve hidden behind since middle school, because soon, you’re going to realize the comfort of a bare face. You’re going to stop trying to force yourself into dresses and heels because “the other girls at work do it” and realize that:

A.) There is actually nothing wrong with wearing jeans and a T-shirt all the time, despite what they say.

- And, most importantly -

B.) You cannot keep comparing yourself to “all the other girls” because you’re not a girl.

Surprise! You're transgender. If you want to save yourself a few more years of struggle, look up the term "nonbinary". (Just ignore the trolls.) And when you do, for the first time in your life you will actually begin to figure out who you are. Eventually, you will look into that dirty bathroom mirror and like what you see. You may not love it all the time. Dysphoria is a thing that exists and it will suck like nothing has ever sucked before. But, even on your worst days, it will still feel right. You’re going to remember what it feels like to be truly happy. Not just the kind of happy you feel after a really wild concert or when you get to stay up an hour late. But real happiness. The kind that lasts for longer than anything that tries to take it away.

Oh, and while I’m at it...You will fall in love again. This time with someone who appreciates you and loves you far more than she ever did. (Spoiler Alert: It’s a guy. Bet you really didn’t see that coming!). Being short means that you can fit into Hot Topic clothes forever - and also that you can shop in the boys’ section, which means your clothes will be way cheaper. You will have some great memories with the people you love before they leave. You will dedicate your life to something far more beneficial than dancing at Disneyland... helping other clueless trans kids like you once were. Your current friends were pretty shit anyways and you’ll meet some others that care about you for all the right reasons. Plus, your sister and your cousins actually turn out to be pretty cool. You will learn to live without cinnamon - and meat, actually. Chlamydia is curable. And, at least you finally have a name for that mysterious sickness.

Love Always,

Sawyer (Yes, that’s you. Told you you’d find a cool name)