Yes, you. I know we haven't talked in a while, and I know most of that is my fault because you apologized — you did. But for some reason I was mad. I was so very, very mad. And it was at you. You apologized, but my heart was still hurting, and I wanted your apology to fix that. I was hurt because I never expected that you of all people would have something to apologize for. And after you apologized, I was hurt because I thought any apology would fix everything.
I thought we would be OK again, but I was still angry. It was an unexplainable, hurt kind of angry. So I did what I do, something you always got mad at me for, and I disappeared. I stopped answering texts, I let your calls go to voicemail and I tried to let the hurt fade with the distance I created between us. For some reason, I thought that would fix us. Instead, I just learned to live without you, and the hurt I held in my heart continued to fester and grow until it filled the place you used to be in my heart. I held onto the anger I felt for you because it was all I had left of you. So I never forgave you. And I know this doesn't make sense to you, and that this explanation isn't enough, but I need you to understand.
It's been a while now since I've seen you. We're in different places, and our lives are different — everything is different. But today I thought about you. Even after all of this time and this distance, somehow the hurt and the anger was still there, and I don't know why. I'm happy, but there is a part of my body that is hurting because I can't forgive you. I hope there isn't a part of you that is still hurting knowing that I haven't forgiven you.
I'm doing this for you and for me. There's a happiness, a lightness, I'm missing due to the anger I had for you. I want that back in my life. I want to be able to smile and laugh and skip without feeling that a part of me isn't being held back. I guess I'm looking for the freedom that comes with forgiveness.
So today, I'm letting go of the hurt I've held onto so tightly. I am so sorry it took me so long to understand the weight of forgiveness, and I am so sorry I didn't learn to forgive you sooner. I forgive you.
I forgive you, and I'm sorry. I hope you can understand this.
All my love,