At a young age it was instilled in me to be nice and considerate of other people's feeling at all times. To try and accommodate others so that they'll be happy too. These teachings gave me many great qualities. The greatest of them being empathy.
If you have had those same teachings instilled in you then you probably have qualities similar to mine. One of the most admirable being empathy. You're an understanding person who read people well and feel deeply. These are qualities you pride yourself on but despite them you might have realized some not so admirable ones.
You're a people pleaser. You do what is expected of you even if you don't want to. When you disappoint someone, even in the smallest of ways, you take it extremely hard.
When something upsets you, you bottle it up instead of expressing why you're upset. Maybe you journal, paint, sing, or do something else to get those feelings out but sometimes that's not enough. What you really need to do is use your physical voice.
You let things slide you know would upset the other person. For whatever reason it's easier to smile, say "it's fine, don't worry about it" instead of saying "that upsets me and this is why." Because why start a fight that can easily be avoided.
So that's what you do. You avoid. And avoid.
Until it's their turn to be upset and you have to explain yourself and start making apologies for yourself. You question yourself and wonder maybe it is your fault. People are always mad at you for whatever reason, so maybe you're the problem.
When you stick up for yourself, you're rude or overreacting. Maybe you are but that's probably a result of not speaking your mind.
The reality sets in that you are in fact a doormat.
A pushover.
And you have no one to blame but yourself.
Somewhere along the way of being nice and empathetic, you forgot how to defend yourself. How to articulate how you feel. You let people take advantage of your niceness and people throw your mistakes in your face as if they never messed up. As if they've never done the same thing. You've let people mistake you're avoidance of confrontation as being fake. You've let people make you feel like you need to apologize for yourself. You can please people and yourself at the same time.
So you start thinking it would be easier to keep acquaintances and not worry about anyone else's feelings. Concern yourself with only yourself. As much as being lonely sucks, being alone starts to look like the easier choice.
You've chosen to be silent or you can choose not to be.
You can be nice and empathetic and feel deeply and not let people walk all over you and not feel bad about your choices and not let people take advantage of your kindness.
You can choose to stop being a doormat.
So stop because you weren't put on this earth to be walked all over.
