Dear lifelong friends, Mom and Dad, brothers and uncles, aunts and cousins, niece, youth group leaders, friends in faith, people in my life who thought college wouldn't change me,

It has. As hard as it's been to realize this, I'm a different person than I was 10 months ago when I said my farewells and Mom and Dad moved me into my dorm. I've gained a lot of knowledge this past year being completely on my own, 6 hours away from home. I didn't do most or any of the things I said I was going to do before I arrived on campus. I ate horribly my first semester, spent maybe a grand total of five hours at the gym, and went out way too much; nor did I get the 4.0 GPA that I told myself I would.

I've learned that I'm not always going to make the right decision. I have screwed up, a lot. I had to deal with the consequences and let it make me stronger. It's true, Mom will and has always been there to send me a bible verse when I need it the most, and she will always tell me she loves me even when I didn't think it was possible for anyone to.

I learned that my girl friends from home will still always be there for me to listen when I need someone outside of my own little college bubble, and those who were ever really my true friends will and have made an effort to stay in contact. I also learned that the people I've met in college whether they be my sorority sisters, teammates, or my french partner, will never truly understand where I come from and the part of my heart that is in my hometown. They'll never understand the environment in which I grew up or the things I went through and experienced in my home. They won't know about the great places where most of my memories take place, or the restaurants that my family ate at religiously. However, you know the essence of who I am because you stood by my side through most of the molding and shaping of who I have become.

As I have made the decision to stay on campus this summer to work and take classes, the thought gets scarier and scarier as the day gets closer that I will live in a city in which most of my friends are leaving, and of course the fear of missing out becomes greater than ever. I worry that I may never get to see or spend time with the people who watched me grow in the same way ever again. I fear that I'm driving myself further away from those I love. I fear that I'll miss my niece growing up. I fear that my hometown will not be the same when I return. And mostly, I fear that I will be unrecognizable by the time I arrive home.

I want my friends and family to know that this is a decision I had to make. Being on my own has made me more in tune with the kind of person I am. I have realized things about myself that I never thought about before. The decision not to return home this summer is not out of spite; it is not because I do not want to spend time with you, and it is not because I love this city so much that I never wish to return home. It is because I have to learn to truly be on my own in a way that I never have been before. Dorm life was a cake walk with my best friends 5 doors down, and living in the sorority house in the fall will be even easier surrounded by 40 of my sisters with three square meals a day.

I am doing this to challenge myself. To grow into the person I meant to become 10 months ago when I got here. I have to be alone to do this. Working is something I have become unfamiliar with and it's time to take on more responsibilities. There are so many things in this world that I am passionate about but have cut out of my life after living in this college bubble for so long. Things like reading, creating, and spending time by myself are things I just haven't done for so long. I want to devour novels and sweat in the gym. I want to recreate the person that has been lackadaisically living day to day or rather weekend to weekend for the past 10 months.

So when I say I'm not returning home, it is for my own wellbeing. Like I said before, I have learned too much this year not to start putting purpose into each and every day. I ate terribly my first semester, but I learned to say no to grease and yes to veggies more my second semester. I didn't get the 4.0, but I still worked hard nonetheless. I'm a work in progress and I have every intention of continuing progress in the upcoming months. Thanks for watching me grow up, you've made me a better person.

See you soon,

Sarah