First off, I have to say thank you. Thank you for never losing your creamy, sticky, goodness, no matter how many different brands you wear. Thank you for always being there for my 2 a.m. munchies. Thank you for offering both me and my dog continual entertainment. And thank you for matching with absolutely everything deliciously.
Freshman year of college can be tough, and you were there for the majority of it. I am incredibly lazy in the mornings, as you know. When I had class at 9 a.m. and the closest dining hall only served brunch and opened at ten, you were there to offer me breakfast. Whether it was just a spoonful or a stripe paired with a granola bar, you brought me sugar and protein to get me through my morning classes. When I got locked out of my room because I forgot a key and my roommates weren't home, buying a jar of your goodness and eating it in the hall alone was the only thing that could bring me any solace. You are a wonderful and comforting friend.
You're also an amazing partner. Want something sweet? There's peanut butter and oreos! Feeling like something salty? Peanut butter and crackers. Health nut? Think peanut butter and celery. And, of course, we can't forget your classic pairing, peanut butter and jelly. You even taste amazing spread on the bottom of a bowl of cereal and milk or as a dipping sauce for carrots! 
But if you want to be the star, I totally get that! Your role in peanut butter cookies, peanut butter pancakes, peanut butter ice cream, and chocolate covered peanut butter balls (a holiday favorite in my house) is completely unmatched. You make a wonderful addition to many foods, but man, oh man, can you stand out on your own.
This is also written on behalf of my golden retriever. I don't think you know how much you've done for him. He may not be a fan of your stickiness (as you get stuck to the top of his mouth, which I find hilarious), but he does love the way you taste. He drools whenever he sees your jar. When he hears the scraping of the bottom of the jar, he knows he's in store for a seraphic experience.
On behalf of all the broke college kids in America, I thank you for always being available as a meal option. I also would like to thank you for being there for me, from peanut butter and banana sandwiches in my childhood to peanut butter and anything-I-can-find sandwiches in my adulthood. So here's to you, peanut butter; my thighs may hate you but I will always love you.
