Oh darling, quit crying over that silly boy. I know you don’t see it now, but one day you’ll see it as a big blessing. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it won’t—at least not for a little while longer. I wish I could tell you to listen to those around you saying “just move on" because I know it would have saved you from enduring more heartache. But looking back, I know giving too many second chances may have been what you needed in order to grow.
In this year, you’ll learn so many lessons, you’ll lose loved ones and welcome more into your family. Make sure you go hug Grandpa every chance you get. It will be a year full of transitions. You’re going to struggle with change and finding balance. You’re going to struggle with feeling lonely, betrayed, desperate and sad, but at the same time feeling relieved, cared for and loved.
In short, this is not your year. I remember the nights crying myself to sleep and not feeling understood. Some days you’ll wonder what God’s purpose is for the grief you feel and other days it will all make sense.
You’ll learn that one good day is worth six bad ones. You’ll find peace in the loss of Grandpa because you know he is no longer in pain and one day you’ll hear his laugh again.
You’ll learn to never settle and that the silly boy was right—you deserve better. I’m telling you right now, it doesn’t matter what you do or what you try, you can’t save him. You cannot change his heart. You’re selfish in thinking so. Eventually, you’ll be happy for him and that you are no longer together.
Two years later, you still struggle with negativity. I challenge you to find something positive in every day—whether it be the weather, fresh clean sheets or a piece of Grandma’s lemon cake. Focus on God and your relationship with Jesus. Make Him your utmost love and everything will fall into place. I know you won’t, but please stop worrying. When has God ever failed you?
I don’t want to spoil the future for you, but I will tell you that your real first love will make you realize that your first love wasn’t really your first love. One day, you'll meet a special someone and you won't see it coming. He'll put a smile on your face from miles away and slowly open up your guarded heart. With him, it is different. It is better and it is real.
You’re going to meet new people and make new friends. Your anger and bitterness towards some will die and become gratitude. Your faith will grow, but don’t forget to keep growing. Don’t get caught up in the world, love. This is only a tiny fraction that will affect your eternity. Remember that.
Don’t be misled. You’re still going to experience grief and heartache. It was never promised that life would be easy. But after this year, you’re going to appreciate every aspect that is offered.
Don’t be afraid and step outside your comfort zone. Don’t waste your life away on your phone and comparing it to others Instagram posts (because you’ve been doing that a lot lately). And for goodness sake, quit crying over that silly boy.
Love always,
Your present-self
