I want to say thank you.
It’s completely unconventional, but I do thank you. I’m now a stronger person because of it. I had to grow up faster than most kids I went to school with. When were you going to be home? I never knew. How long would you stay? That was the winning question. I would wonder why my parent had more energy than me at six years old. I know how it feels to go to sleepovers and be completely in shock of kids being able to be kids. I knew what your unreliability meant before anything else, however, I wasn’t ruined because of it.
You made me better.
I wanted to excel in school just so I could get your attention. Clubs and sports were originally something to get your attention, but they ended up developing into something to take my attention away from thinking about everything. I learned self-sufficiency because I had to. I learned to be honest because I knew what being lied to felt like. Relationships were hard, and they still are, because I know all too well the harsh reality of people who are supposed to love you leaving you. It has made me want to work ten times harder to keep them. Everything has made me want to fight to have a strong family. It has made me promise my future children that they will never go through that struggle. I’ve stayed clean because of it. I’m better because I’ve learned to do the opposite of everything you.
I don’t hate you.
I feel quite the opposite actually even though it doesn’t sound that way. I still love you despite everything you’ve done. Sometimes I don’t want to, but I can’t help it. I will always worry about you; it was instilled in me. I truly hope one day our relationship will be mended and you’ll be fully clean, and I hope you thank the person that took up all your responsibility.
To the person who stayed:
Thank you even more. You have been mom, dad, friend, protector and nurturer. All of this could not have been easy and I want you to know you are so appreciated. You didn’t have to do any of this, but you did. You worked to make sure that I didn’t turn out the same. I would not have made it without you pushing me and without you loving me. You experienced some of the same grief as me with your loved one, but never showed weakness. Comforting was your middle name. I am even better because of you, for you. Making you proud is my dream. I will fight, I will do everything in my power to make something of myself and give back. You never asked for anything in return except for that.
If you are reading this and your parent or loved one is fighting a battle with drugs, my heart goes out to you. I hope that your loved one can win it, and I hope you know that you are not alone, no matter how difficult this is. Sadly there are millions like us. I would like to lend you a word of advice. A smart man once said
“If you hate your parents, the man, or the establishment,
don’t show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your
car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your
parents, outlearn them, outlive them and know more than
they do”
-Henry Rollins
