Dear "Grandmother,"

You don't know me. You've never seen my face or spoken to me. If you walked by me on the street you wouldn't know your very blood runs through my veins. But I know you. I've heard of you and seen your face. I guess I should explain.

I've lived my life surrounded by people that love me. My family is large and ever-growing. Although my parents have been divorced my whole life, I've had them both in one form or another. I have a step-dad who's been a rock in my life since I was eight. I've had aunts and uncles, cousins, friends who are practically family and so much more. I've lived a life privileged with family and have never felt what it's like to have someone walk out.

But not everyone is as fortunate. Some have had to live through parents leaving of their own choice. And although I'm not one of those, I have seen the damage that can do to a person. Specifically to my father, your son.

Do you remember how you left him? Him and his brothers and their father. Do you think of when you walked out of your small children's' lives, erased that from your existence and started over?

I could look at this situation objectively, maybe try not to judge. But would you? I’ve watched my father have commitment issues, issues in general with women. I’ve watched him tell me he doesn’t want to be alone, yet tends to force that upon himself. I’ve watched him drown himself in his success so that he doesn’t have to think about the other stuff.

And I’ve watched him get so excited because my sister found his mom, you, on Facebook. He showed me pictures of you, told me how beautiful you are, told me about your family. And then I watched as he deflated, because when my sister reached out, you didn’t ask about your sons that you left behind or all the grandkids you could have had, all the great-grandkids you could have known.

How do I not judge that? From here I see a woman who took the easy and heartless way out, who erased one part of her life and tried again. Someone who feels nothing about the people she left behind and how bad it hurt them.

I’ve made it my goal that you will see this. I hope you are reading this. Because you need to know that you did damage and just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Did you know that for the longest time I thought you were dead because that’s what my dad told me? He’d rather picture you that way than tell his daughter he was abandoned. Did you know he wanted my first book that I write to be about a group of brothers who road trip to find their long lost mother? But how am I supposed to write the ending to a story that could break his heart?

As much as I want you to see the damage you’ve done, to feel at least an inkling of what they felt all these years while you’ve been growing your second life, all you need to know is this: you left behind the most amazing sons and all they had to offer you. You missed out on their successes and their triumphs, on their families and, most importantly, their love. Because that’s something my family is damn good at, loving one another. And you don’t get to be apart of that. You don’t get to be their mom, or my grandmother. You’re just someone I needed to make sure was seeing what they were missing.