Dear Mom,
For starters, thank you for this life you have given me and for the love you send my way each and every day.
To say we have always gotten along would be a lie; we both know quite well that screaming matches between yourself and 8-year-old me were a weekly thing. Never did I think tho that we would have built the foundation for our current relationship together. Now I see how much of you is in me, and I could not feel more grateful.
There is something to be said about the way our relationship has progressed.
It has flourished over the years, but not without its share of lows that are still hard to move past. My poor decision making and lack of common sense has been a hard hit to how you look at me. Never did I think or want to make you so disappointed in me as you have been. This sense of remorse and shame looms over my head like a perpetual storm cloud constantly following me around.
With that storm cloud tho, you have never once given up on me and it brings tears to my eyes that you still stand next to me with love and belief that my mistakes and poor choices do not define me. When I hated myself you still loved me unconditionally. When I could not look at myself without feeling guilt you still looked at me with hope and love. When I have given you countless reasons to give up on me, you have given me support.
How did I get so blessed to be mothered by someone as gracious and patient as you?
The amount of hardship I have given you and our family is ludicrous, yet you still put your best foot forward and come from a place of faith and comfort.
When I woke up in the hospital after a night mixed with too much alcohol and emotional thoughts, and saw you sitting beside me everything in me paused. Looking at you staring down at me with hurt and pain stirred so much emotion in me that I do not know if I will ever one day be able to describe it. Leading up to this moment, I had been spiraling out of control and disregarding any support or advice you tried to give me. My selfishness was more important than your love and worry for me at the time. Yet there you were, talking to the doctors and asking any questions about what you could do to still help me.
I am still trying to get on the right path and become the responsible, self-loving person I know you have taught me to be.
Outside influences and the lack of strength I have in myself holds me back at times, but I promise to you that I will never not be grateful for the wonderful mom and women you are.
I make a promise to you mom, that I will no longer just say words. I will display actions that you will be proud of. I do not want you to have to question me any longer. The hurt I put you thru kills me every time I think about it.
I strive to make you proud of me, and I will not stop till I do. Every day I am grateful for you. Everyday I love you mama.
