First off — I'm sorry.
Secondly — you were amazing.
You had such a bright personality, and everyone loved you. There was not one person in our tiny community that I ever heard say a bad thing about you. You were a good listener, and most of my class (and even some older and younger than me) considered you their very own pseudo-mom; when I moved away, they started going to your house to hang out with you and dad more than they ever did when I lived there. In a way, I can’t be mad about that- only thankful that they could be there to keep you company when I didn’t have the opportunity to do it myself. You were a wonderful friend, and you were a person anybody could tell anything to. You might glare for a few seconds if it was something that you didn’t agree with (like the time one of my friends told you they did cocaine in college), but then you’d laugh and always end with “you’re an idiot, but don’t worry- I still love you… But knock it off before I whip you.” You were generous, willing to do anything for anyone should they have asked, and even (almost especially) when no one thought they deserved it. You were a talented and creative interior designer, and I wish you would have gotten the opportunity to keep up with it instead of your health declining. I know how much you loved it.
Thirdly — thank you, thank you, thank you.
These words could never be uttered enough with you in the same sentence. Thank you for always supporting me- whether it was musicals, junior high and high school sports, my traveling dreams, or academics, especially during college. Thank you for encouraging me to do my best and the right thing, even though neither of us might have known what that actually was at the time. There will never be the words to tell you thank you enough for choosing me to be your daughter. I always like to say that other people are merely stuck with their children- I, however, was diligently chosen, waited for, planned on, and prayed for. Your first adoption didn’t work out, and I’m so happy that I got to be the one that did. I thank God every day that he chose you two to be my parents, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Which brings me to my next point- thank you for keeping me, even though you probably figured out pretty soon how bratty and obnoxious I was. Thank you for always being that voice of reason (even though nine times out of ten I didn’t listen to it, and paid for it later). Thank you for your laughter, your ridiculously strong backbone, and all of the photos that you gifted to me when you passed away. Those thousands of memories are the ones I will treasure forever, and not because you are in them, but because you aren’t. To me, that means even more because I know you were the one always behind that camera, capturing every moment that you considered dear enough to immortalize forever in ink and photo paper. Thank you for teaching me how important thank you cards are, and that they will never not be an essential thing to keep at your desk. Thank you for instilling in me a love of places I had never been and people I had never met. The wanderlust that is ingrained into my soul and won’t go away no matter how many places I go. Thank you for holding grudges on my behalf, like boys who broke my heart and the girls that helped them break it- you reminded me that the past doesn’t change and neither do people. Most importantly, thank you for being the woman that you are and for never holding back what you felt. Sometimes, I needed a swift kick in the rear, and that is probably the thing I will miss the most.
Lastly — I will never not miss your sunshine.
I love you, Mom.
Love, your one and only,
Jessa
