I guess I should probably explain why I’m writing this. Mainly I just want to filter my frustration and confusion, but I’m hoping by sharing this story someone might be able to find some solace if they’re facing a similar issue.
Dear Lycoming College Biology Department,
Our time together is drawing ever closer to its conclusion. It’s been a pretty interesting ride to say the least, but I’m not really writing to get sentimental. I need to be straight up and tell you how I feel. It’s been four years and even after all this time I still feel like an awko taco every time we cross paths. You see I’ve never really felt welcome or that I belonged as a student in the biology department. Sure I have some friends in the biology department and I’m grateful to have met these amazing people, but overall, I’ve always had the sense that you were just judging me the majority of the time. It always felt like you thought I was a disgrace or didn’t think my heart was in it and should change my major. That’s one of the fun things about hearts though, and I mean heart in the non-anatomical sense of the word because in reality it’s just a muscle. Hearts have an infinite capacity to love and to care about things. I’ve never stopped caring and wanting to get my B.S. so I could go on and try and make a difference in the lives of animals and people everywhere. Just because I started pursuing my love of music, doesn’t mean I stopped caring about biology. Granted, I never really warmed up to lab work and biology at the microscopic level, but I’ve tried to just learn what I can and grin and bear my frustration because I understand that what happens at the microscopic level determines what happens at the macroscopic level. Structure determines function, right?
Maybe I’m overreacting, but it’s how I feel right now. I’m really confused why this is even happening in the first place. Shouldn’t I feel at home in the department I want to devote the rest of my life to? I feel at home whenever I go work/intern/whatever the word is at Loyalsock Animal Hospital, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t feel at home in the biology department here. I’m also somewhat frustrated that this is happening because I don’t really know what to do about it. Mainly I’ve just been going and trying to do my best and hope it turns out alright, but it doesn’t really help confront my feelings. If anything I’m avoiding them. I’m not angry or bitter, I just really could use some closure. Maybe I’ll find it down the road. Dr. Knoebel at Loyalsock thinks I have great potential. He thinks I have a good head on my shoulders and is willing to help me try and succeed. He says with enough hours of work experience and good recommendations I could stand a pretty good chance of getting accepted into veterinary school. So maybe I’m not meant to find the closure I need until then, but I don’t know what to in the meantime about my feelings. I’m graduating soon though so there may not be anything I can do about my feelings anyways. Laying everything out on the table was beneficial for me though. Keep it real Lyco Bio. All hail Gabe.
Sean Bathgate
