Not counting my first kiss with my next door neighbor when I was five, or that guy I dated during 6th grade, you were the first of many and, looking back, I want to say about a million things to you. Many of which begin with two simple words: I'm sorry.

I was a flirt in high school. Okay, I still am and that’s probably never going to change. See, I enjoyed the chase more than anything else about being in a relationship with someone and I am still working on this aspect of my personality. I don’t really like to hold hands or cuddle and I am perpetually stuck in this battle with myself of wanting a boyfriend and wanting to just have fun.

But back then, we were fun and had we not dated and broken up five times in three years, I think we would have been really good together.

The truth is, I’m going to regret breaking up with you for the rest of my life because you will always be one of my What If’s. What if we had just dated straight through high school? Would we have gone to the same school and stayed together? Would you still be one of my best friends instead of someone that I used to know?

These questions bother me every so often because, in the end, I lost your friendship. There is only so much one person can take, and you took so much from me. You were still there for me when we broke up. You allowed me to flirt with you and everyone around me without a word on the matter. You took me to prom, asking me in the most adorable and so us way I couldn’t help laughing. I had so much fun with you, when we were and when we weren’t dating and I’m sorry that that ended.

It wasn’t all-bad though, I like to believe that I brought you out of your shell. You were shy when we met and by senior year you were completely different. We had a lot of fun and made memories that I will have forever. Like our first kiss, when your brother literally picked you up and dragged across a parking to our car packed with girls and made you kiss me. Or when you totaled your car and I came speeding back, scared to death that something had happened to you.

I was so attracted to you and wanted nothing more than to be that adorable couple that dated through high school. But I ruined that, me and me alone, and I’m sorry. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I broke your heart but in breaking up with you, I broke my own.

The famous saying "You don’t know what you have until it’s gone" is more true than I would like to believe. I realized too late that I was in love with you and I will always look back and shake my head at my own stupidity.

I’m sorry I couldn’t see what I had in you then, and that it’s taken me this long to say it.