A girl’s first heartbreak is the one she’ll never forget. The unbearable, heart-wrenching pain that seems to last for an eternity contributes to the development of who she will become in the future. But before you stop reading assuming that this letter is like all other emotional break-up letters, expect the unexpected and instead continue on.

To the guy who broke my heart first:

You had me wrapped around your finger from the beginning. I clung to each word that left your mouth and felt like a princess in a fairytale in the earlier days. Not all fairytales have a happy ending. Daughters are typically known as daddy’s little girl – a common cliché. To their daughters, fathers are the first real man in a girl’s life to show them the meaning of real unconditional love.

Just as a father sets high standards for any man who dates his daughter, she in return holds her man to a standard of her own that must match that of the father she puts on a pedestal. A father is a girl’s first true love that can be counted on even when the other men in her life are letdowns. A girl learns how much she really deserves from her significant other by the love her father gives.

At least, this is ordinarily how the system works – maybe not to these exact specifications, but even a ballpark would work. But you, dad, have struck out. Rather than my first true love, you were my first unforgettable heartbreak. I was not the princess in your kingdom because those exist only in the fairy tales that were my dreams. I am but a commoner of the village that worked relentlessly for your pride, joy and affection. The unconditional love that Katy Perry sings of seemed to be lacking in each of our encounters. I learned I could depend on you for this just as much as I could count on prince charming sweeping me off my feet into the sunset to live happily ever after. Instead, I found my own steed that I rode to my version of happiness.

Even though a broken heart can be a messy affair with an unpredictable aftermath, I have to thank you as well, dad. By teaching me about heartbreak, you kick started my life lessons and prepared me for my future experiences. I was able to handle what was to come far better than I could have ever imagined through my teen and young adult years.

There is no doubt that I have a certain standard for any man who enters my life. However, rather than matching you, my hope is that he will rise far above the line you’ve set. You taught me that I deserve to find someone who I don’t need constant approval from. This is someone who can see my accomplishments before they are completed and has nothing but admiration for me. Love, pride, joy and affection will not be earned. I will be showered with it endlessly.

I have learned to guard my heart with the strongest defense system and walls. There are people who would say this is a flaw, but it has kept the pieces that were once shattered glued together through the roughest times over the years. My jaded edges are my personal bodyguards. The difficulty in this is these guards don’t know the difference between a real threat and real love. A downfall like this means I must put more work into opening up to the possibility of love than I have to put into picking up broken pieces of myself. I wanted to be a hopeless romantic, but instead I am a cynic because I now believe the idea of finding love is a hopeless dream like the fairy tales in my childhood story books.

Although I don’t know what unconditional love feels like, I know if I feel something different than the way I felt with you, I must have found it. Because of you dad, I learned about heartbreak before I learned to love. In the end, I have to thank you because without that lesson I would not be the determined, strong woman I am today who is worth more and deserves more. I am my own army.

A girl’s first heartbreak is an unforgettable journey. I will certainly never forget mine as I continue to learn how to love.

Sincerely,