Dyana,
Where do I even start to explain to you the amount of love that I have towards you? I could start on the day that I knew you were on the way, or the day that everything started to come crashing down. Either way, those moments ended up becoming the greatest ones in my life today.
Mom was only six months pregnant with you. At this point, I was getting excited to have you in the family. For about twelve years it was just Samantha and I, we never expected to have you come along, but no matter we were happy to have you join our family. We weren’t the only ones excited. Everyone was ecstatic that mom finally decided to have another child. That’s a whole different story for a whole different time. You’ll have a laugh at it though. However, grandma was way more excited than anyone despite the fact that you weren’t boy like everyone was hoping for. You coming to this world gave her a little a bit of motivation to keep on living you could say, but unfortunately for a life to be brought into the world another must be taken. I guess you could say that was grandma’s gift to us.
Even though she passed away just merely months away from you being born I started to feel a connection towards you. The day you were born was bitter sweet, but none the less I still loved you from the very moment I held you in my arms. Many would call me crazy, even mom would, but there’s no way that I could ever explain to them this connection I have with you. It’s like a piece of grandma is right inside of you. Grandma and I were very close people I could have even considered her more of a mother than anything and even a friend. The fact that I could feel her within you made me love you even more. I feel like even today you feel the same connection. I’m not saying that you love more than anyone else it’s just that we both feel more connected than anyone else.
Even though you drive me crazy at times with the amount of energy that you have I still love you sis. Why, you may ask, it’s because in the end you’re my family my sister so I can never stay mad at. You pull my strings so much at times. The moments when you make me cry because your screaming at me with tears in your eyes to not get on the plane and stay with me break my heart each time. Then there’s the times when I call home and you somehow already know that it’s me calling. I swear I feel like you have a sixth sense or something because it can be very creepy at times. Then you started to have a meltdown when it’s time for me to hang up the phone. This shows how much love you have for me and vice versa. I hate the fact that I can't be there much anymore. I wasn’t there when you took your first potty or hear your first actual sentence that makes sense when you talk to me. I won’t even be there when you go to your first day of preschool or bring home you’re your first friend.
On the other hand, I might not be there for these first few milestones but it’s going to be worth it. After I finish with school, I’ll be there every step of the way. Your first argument with your friends, your transfer from elementary school to middle school. The day that you become a woman, the first day of your freshmen year, and I will be here for any boy problems and I will seat next to you while you rant on. However, you must promise me something as well. Be patient with me because mom won’t have the energy that she had before anymore. I’m going to be new at this so I might make some mistakes along the way but I’m learning. You’ll eventually hate me at some point but the things I do is because I care for you and you are my sister after all.
For now, just enjoy your childhood and don’t worry about a thing. I don’t want you to grow up so fast and miss out on the fun of life. I will always be here for you no matter what. You won’t understand now but one day you will, I promise.
Love,
Liz
