"Oh well, he only said those things to me because he was drunk. So, I mean, I forgave him. He was sooooo sweet the next day, and he said he was sorry, so we're okay I guess."
The number of times that I hear those words (maybe overhear, too) are never enough for me not to be amazed by what I'm hearing. It always starts the same. Girl loves boy, boy (apparently) loves girl. Girl and boy drink together. Boy gets mad, and yells at girl. Boy sobers up, eventually, and apologizes for what he said to girl.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. You know I didn't mean it when I called you a bitch/whore/slut, right?"
And then, for some reason unknown to me, girl forgives the boy. Takes him back, says it's all right, and seems to forget that the same situation happens every single Thursday-through-Saturday night.
She forgets about how upset she felt to hear horrible words be directed towards her from his mouth.
She forgets how embarrassed she feels explaining what happened to her friends that heard him yell.
She forgets how she cried her eyes out once he finally passed out, until all her tears were gone and she felt empty.
She forgets once she hears three magic words: "I love you."
And let me just say, this cycle is bullshit. Ladies, it's time for you to stand up and say no, it's not okay. It's not okay to be called something demeaning, because the boy that supposedly loves you can't handle his alcohol. It's not okay for you to be embarrassed by his actions, and it's definitely not okay for you to forgive him.
All college kids love to say that drunk words are sober thoughts, but only when they're saying something we want to hear. Well, I'm saying that's crap. We believe the nice ones, but we won't believe the mean ones? We don't believe the ones that would have us running away in the opposite direction if said sober? And I've heard it before: Well, it was the alcohol talking and not him.
Oh, so alcohol has a brain and a thought process and a speech pattern? No, the alcohol didn't talk for him, it merely gave him the guts (or lack thereof) to call you something demeaning. And yeah, when he woke up I'm sure he was sorry. Sorry that you saw the real him, and that you saw what he really thought of you.
Verbal abuse, sober or not, is never OK. It's time for the young (and not so young) girls that shrug it off to realize it. It's time to recognize the amount of respect you deserve, all the time, whether he's straight as an arrow or drunker than a skunk. Stop making it okay, and start standing up for the treatment that you deserve.
The next time it happens, and trust me it will happen, stand up for yourself. Don't let him think it's okay, or that your relationship is okay. Say no, walk away, and don't look back. He may be the love of your moment, but your personal respect should be the love of your life.
