Dear old me,

This year is going to change the rest of your life.

Right now you’re still with your high school sweetheart and you’re waiting to see if you can get the medicine that could help you get stronger.

These next few months are going to be rough. You’re going to get your heart broken a couple times and you’re going to have stay strong and push through each time it happens. But it will all be worth it after it’s over.

Be prepared. It’s going to take months to get the medicine. You’re going to have to go through two surgeries and a couple months of recovery. Some people are going to tell you not to get your hopes up. Don’t listen to them.

You’re going to get stronger. It’s just going to take some time.

And it’s not just your muscles that are going to be getting stronger. You’ll be so much more emotionally stronger soon too.

You’re still going to cry and get upset sometimes, but it won’t happen as much as it does now. You won’t be crying yourself to sleep every night anymore.

When your boyfriend tells you that you’re being “too sensitive,” don’t listen to him. You’re not being sensitive. The things he is saying to you are wrong and I know you don’t want to believe it, but he’s not as sweet as you think he is.

Start paying attention more to the things he’s saying and doing. You’ll start to see it eventually. One day you’re going to realize how much he’s affecting you and changing you.

You already know your panic attacks are starting to get worse. You’re getting upset more and more easily. And even though the thought of the new medicine is giving you hope, your faith is not the same as it was years ago.

The things he is saying is making you hate the life you were given — sometimes making you question your faith and if things will get better.

It’s going to take months for you to have finally had enough of the way he’s treating you. You still think there’s nobody better than him, but trust me, there is.

There are guys who will accept you for who you are and like every part of you. They won’t care that your muscles are weak because they’ll actually understand that that’s a part of you you can’t change.

You’re going to break up with your boyfriend. You might think now that you will be completely depressed and heartbroken when it happens, but his leaving will be the best thing that ever happens to you.

You’ll find the life that you always wanted.

You’re going to be writing in New York within a year and talking to a guy who likes you for you. You’ll be strong enough to do so many things you couldn’t before.

Your depression will be gone and the panic attacks will get better. You won’t be hurt all of the time anymore.

Things will constantly be changing and getting better. And even though it will be crazy and a lot of work at times, you will be so much happier than you are now.

You’ll become closer to God like never before. And it will be the most amazing experience of your life.

This year is going to be rough, girl. But you’ll make it through. Don’t give up.

Your new life is waiting for you.

Lots of love,

The new you