Very recently, a counselor at school that I have been talking to for the past few months told me that I need to start sticking up for myself and that if I didn't I would continue to let myself feel like crap for the rest of my life. So this is my first step; something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time. But for fear of judgment and anger from you, I've kept quiet. But no longer. This is a letter to you, mom and dad. Before you read this. You have to promise me a few things:

1. That you won't get angry or defensive. Understand that this is not meant to criticize you or put you down in any way. It's just how I feel.

2. That you will read this openly; without judging yourself or my thoughts/feelings.

3. That you understand that I am writing this because I love you. I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want to be honest with you. I've tried before, and whether it's my shortcomings or yours, it hasn't worked thus far, and I didn't really know how else to get your attention.

4. And finally, when you're done reading this, find me and tell me that you love me too.

OK? OK.

You may now continue to read:

I feel like I've been kicked out. Not in a literal sense, because I still get to come home to my room, my bed, my pillows every night. But I don't get to come home to you. Yes, I see you. You say "Hi" and briefly ask about my day, but interrupt when something I say reminds you of some joke you just had to tell me, or a post on Facebook you had to show me. So I decide my point is mute, and I drift out of conversation, and my silence goes unnoticed, as your eyes wander back to whatever screen in the room calls for your attention the most. That's why I'm writing to you, here. I try to tell you things. But you get so distracted. So now I'm making myself the distraction.

I miss you. I miss having conversations with you. Real ones. I miss going out and doing fun things with you like we did when I was little. I don't get to spend REAL time with you anymore. And no, watching TV doesn't count; for a multitude of reasons the first being that I hate TV. I'd rather be out experiencing things myself. I've tried telling you this. I don't know if you didn't hear it, or chose to ignore it. The only reason I watch all of these shows is because it's the best I get from you. I'd rather be out somewhere with you, having real conversations, not like that one time we went out to breakfast and you were on your phone the whole time, and I sat silent with my phone tucked away inside my bag; out of sight, out of mind.

I wish we could have more experiences together; actually spend time together, instead of just being around each other, because that is absolutely not the same thing. If we did that, I think we would both be in a much better place, mentally.

I think you would understand my need for a creative outlet, right now. Why I want complete artistic control over a project; not some labor job in the backyard that makes your life easier.

I think you would understand why I asked you to make dinner a few nights ago, and how disappointed I was when you didn't even wait for me to come home.

I think you would understand why the little things hurt so much; like when I ask if we can go out to eat but instead you cook a meal that I have said I don't like every time you make it. Or how you and Mama go out without me, all the time and never plan for us to go anywhere together.

I think you would understand how stressed out I am right now. I didn't get the internship I wanted, I didn't even get an interview, I didn't even get a call. I might lose the scholarship that is keeping me at my beloved school because I have to work 20 hours a week and that doesn't leave me with enough time for homework or for myself.

I think you would understand how frustrating it is to have you tease me about not being around enough, and not telling you things; even though you don't really ask any of the questions. And when I try to tell you on my own terms, you're not really listening.

The thing is, I don't want to feel like the kid that got kicked out of her own family, and has been reduced to nothing but just a friend living in the same house. I don't need you to be a friend. I need you to be a parent. I need you to be my rock; my support team. You used to be. And I'm not really sure what happened. It feels like ever since I turned 18 and started college you said, "Wow! I'm so proud of you!," and then decided your job was finished. It's not.

I'm not saying I need you to be strict and on my back about everything. I think we've established that I am a well-rounded young adult, capable of making responsible decisions, and taking care of my own business. I do need you, though, to be there for me. To listen, to spend time, to not judge me for my mistakes, and to support me when things get hard for me.

Your job as my parent is not done. Not now, not when I have kids of my own. Not ever.

With love,

Me