Dear younger me,
I can remember you, because quite frankly you still kind of exist in the back of my head. You're always wondering why good things happen to you and even though you're getting better at your self esteem issues the old old thoughts you have about yourself still exist. Even though you've grown up a lot you still remember all the things that you used to think about your future:
You'll never make to college. You're too stupid. Everyone else is smarter and better than you. You're ugly. No one could ever love you.
It may be a bit odd for my nineteen year old self to reflect on what was. Because I've only experienced so little in life, and I could only possibly know what I know now and not what you're loving about the career you have as a teacher or even what you think about yourself. But I can reflect on what I used to think of when I was around thirteen or fifteen, because it's still present in my mind.
You're probably thinking about killing yourself constantly, which now sounds very selfish and if I never would have kept on living I could have never met the people I did or even sought out the college I did just to possibly even try college. I remember thinking that everyone hated me, that no one liked me but if I had let that hold me back I would have never made the friends I had or have. You thought that you would never amount to anything, which you did something, you actually got into college and you received your high school diploma on the silver honor roll (B average on your grade scale). You had to work hard in high school. In all of school you still have to, so when I'm having trouble. I look to what you went through younger me.
I look at all those times you'd look in the mirror and say you hated what you saw and start to love the older version of it. I look at the times you cried while studying for hard test you thought you would flunk and study harder. I look at the times you felt sad, and remember that there is something to feel happy about. I look at my life now and remember yours.
I remember everything that was hard and keep going, because if I hadn't done that all those years ago. I would have never even kept going if I had never thought I would become the person I am today.
I am so proud of you, younger me. Keep pushing. It will all be worth it someday.
Your nineteen year old self