To the friend I don’t talk to anymore,
In middle school, I didn’t know how to keep a real friendship. I thought that girlfriends were just there to be an outlet to talk about boys. At that point, I just assumed boys were supposed to be the center of my universe, that being in a loving, supporting monogamous relationship was the whole goal in life. In my two-dimensional mind, once I was sexually appealing to the opposite sex my whole life would just come together. It was in this mind set I met you. You were cool, with crazy hair and a welcoming smile.
Thinking back, I talked to a bunch of people in middle school, I was well-liked though a bit annoying, but I didn’t have ‘friends’ like I do now. I thought it was cool that I hopped between friend groups, that I harbored the ability to change my personality on a dime to fit the situation provided. Then I started hanging out with you. You had a way about you where you just seemed to get things so effortlessly, you were so cool. Why on earth would you want to hang out with someone like me?
I loved having you as a friend and when One Direction became popular we both fell in love, quick. June 16th, 2013 you took me to their concert by uninviting someone else. It was my first unsupervised concert. I felt so special and loved at that moment in time. I wanted this time to last forever, I immediately bought tickets to the next year's concert and invited you. Little did I know this was one of the last times I’d see you.
We were supposed to go to the same high school, but you backed out before decision day, you deleted your facebook and snap chat. We still texted sometimes, but rarely and on August 9, 2013, you pulled out of going to the One Direction concert three hours before it began. That is the last time I ever heard from you.
I never really had a girlfriend up until you. You were my introduction to the wonderful world of girl friendships. I still keep the birthday letters you wrote me in a draw, and when I refind them and reread them every couple of years I revert back to a 12-year-old, being told they are loved for the first time (but as per tradition in 2012 you wrote "no homo" as a parenthetical side note). We would walk down Ventura blvd by my house because the stretch by your mom’s house wasn’t as exciting, and window shop. I felt like a girl for the first time with you.
Now you aren’t my best friend ever, in fact, we had what I think would be a standard middle school relationship, you’d be nice sometimes, I’d be nice sometimes, and we’d talk a lot of crap about our classmates. The relationship wasn’t that deep and relied more heavily on availability than substance. But, I worshiped you. You could do no wrong in my eyes. I’m sure for a time, I made you feel special, just like your friendship with me made me feel special. I was always there if you needed a person, any old' person. I wasn’t special. And as you went to high school, I’m sure you realized that.
My first few years of high school were rough, as I’m sure most peoples were yours were probably as well. But you never called me when you were struggling and I never called you. We never had that deep of a friendship, you were just a stepping stone. I met my current best friend freshman year and I basically lived at her house when I was sad. She was the first girlfriend I emotionally opened up to then I met more people and made more friends gaining experience from each and every one of them. Now I can make friends with people in line for the bathroom and be open and honest with all my closest pals.
But I don’t talk to you anymore, I think you changed your number so I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. I want to say sorry and thank you. I’m sorry for all the times I was a terrible friend, I was new to the game and learning. Thank you for being the one who would have me. I wouldn’t be who I am without you.
Thank you. If you have time call. My number is still the same.
Love,
A friend you don’t talk to anymore
