To whomever is reading this,

You may have clicked on this piece because the title caught you off guard, made you angry, or because it struck a chord with you.

Regardless of your opinions on religion, whether you agree with my thoughts, please be respectful and understanding that there are those who did not have the same experiences as your own, and that for some, this will ring true loud and clear. You may belong to a church community that has supported you, but that doesn't mean in any way that everyone has had the same experiences as you in their own church.

To anyone who has ever felt rejected, unwanted, shamed, or judged by their church, I am sorry. I am so terribly sorry that you have felt this way. Society puts a heavy emphasis and importance on religion. Your beliefs are a big part of who you are, and society has created a social norm saying that religion is the one way you should live your life by. Please know, I have felt your pain, and I have decided this letter needed to be written because I feel that too many people carry this in their heart.

You may be asking yourself: why does this matter? Religion seems to be a dying breed in some parts of the world; it's no longer something that majority of people seem to be actively caring about. So what if someone feels rejected at a church? They can just leave and not have to deal with it. Well, that's where this article is going to come in.

I believe that because religion was used as an economical and political gain in earlier societies, religion has been used to control the general population. It's a social norm to belong to a religion, to have certain beliefs and fit into a specific mold. From what I've come to know in my time, there are many people who are lost and confused and the labels and stigmas of religion do not make it any easier when people begin thinking for themselves. So yes, a person can leave their church if they want to, but we need to understand that the societal norms that are put in place have negative effects on a person when it comes to this transition in their life.

To give a little background, I grew up in a Roman Catholic Church but left as soon as I was confirmed. I felt that my church community was unfriendly, unwelcoming, and only going through the motions because that's what a "good Catholic" was supposed to do. I felt unloved, unsupported, and honestly, I don't think anyone noticed I stopped coming to Mass with my parents after 17 years of my life.

I found a wonderful church soon after to help strengthen my faith into what it is today, but make no mistake that I carried that hurt, that rejection, for a long time after I left my first church. We are taught that our religious community should be a place where we can go to be lifted up, come with questions, supported through tough times, and ultimately feel vulnerable enough to grow a relationship with God. As Jefferson Bethke puts it beautifully, "It's not a museum for good people-- it's a hospital for the broken."

But as I grow older, I see many churches preaching one thing and doing another; it does seem more like a museum for good people, who has the "more perfect" facade. I was welcomed with open arms at the next church I attended, but I was so angry for so long because of my past. I have heard countless stories of individuals felt that they didn't "fit in" with their church, simply because they didn't think they were good enough of a person. Others felt judged for the way they were living their life, feeling extremely unwelcome if they didn't follow every single rule set down by the church. And while this may make you feel uncomfortable to read about, this is something that needs to be talked about, and something that we must actively as the human race try to fix.

It sounds obscene when you think about it; that a place that's supposed to provide support could make a person feel so low about themselves. I'm sorry to report that not only have I felt this way, but I have conversed with many other college-aged students that have been turned off to religion because of their experiences with their churches.

Now, in no way am I bashing religious traditions and communities as a whole; I know there are wonderful communities out there, and I am heavily involved in the Interfaith movement. But the world needs to realize the negative effect of some religious communities can have on an individual and how that can affect their outlook on life.

This notion breaks my heart. I've had wonderful opportunities growing in my faith with three different churches (based on my location), churches that show me what it's really like to be apart of a loving and supportive community. But there are many who are so damaged by the lack of acceptance of some churches that they completely shut down and turn away from pursuing a relationship with God. This is not how it is supposed to be.

Religion is man made. Man corrupted religion. We have seen it used for power moves, political and economic gain, reasons to start wars and kill hundreds of thousands. My opinion is that many churches are stuck in the religious phase, solely focusing on the religious doctrine, and nothing more.

That's why faith is such a beautiful gift. Faith stems from religion, but it propels a person forward in the best way possible. It focuses on relationship building with not only God, but the people around you who are struggling the same way you are.

There is a common misconception that people who are "practicing" in their beliefs are "perfect;" they have it all figured it out, all put together. I know that many people feel they can't be a part of a religious community because they make mistakes, they doubt certain things, and that makes them feel like they aren't good enough to have a relationship with God. Also from personal experience, I can tell you that this is false, in every sense of the word. Coming from someone who is practicing in their faith, I have doubted and questioned for the majority past three years of my life. I have struggled, I have lost, I have been broken and beaten to rock bottom. I don't have it all together; I am just like you.

I understand if you believe religion isn't for you. But I do hope you keep an open mind to what else is out there. There are so many different forms of beliefs, traditions, all that practice, preach, and serve in different ways. I hope that you have found a better path for yourself, and if you haven't, that you are not afraid to keep looking.

This isn't a conversion article where I try to persuade you to come back to church and pursue a relationship with God. I respect that different ways of life work for different kinds of people. What I am trying to say is this: If you have ever felt the ways that I have described in this article, I hope that you do not let this define you. I hope you know that because you didn't feel a part of a religious community doesn't mean you are considered a bad person. You are a human being, flawed, fearfully, and wonderfully made. I hope that if you have been cast aside, that you haven't totally nixed out the possibility of looking elsewhere for guidance and support within the spiritual realm of your life. Just because one church didn't work, doesn't mean they all won't.

I consider my faith to be one of the greatest gifts of my life. It makes me extremely upset that so many people have been hurt and turned away to the point where their self-esteem suffers and they are jaded to pursuing spiritual growth.

You are not alone. We are young, and we are trying to figure out life as we go; it is OK to not have everything figured out. I'm sorry if you have felt belittled because you didn't seem to have it all together. I'm sorry if you have been hurting with no one to say that they understand what you're saying. I hear you, I know what you're feeling, and I accept you, flaws and all.

And to those who may not understand this; to those who feel very loved and accepted by a religious community, I hope you take this into account and remember that everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle. We tend to hold ourselves and others up to these ridiculous standards; perhaps it's time that we remind ourselves to be kind, be vulnerable, and have courage.

I was taught that God loves everyone; the drunkards, the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the Jews and the Gentiles. Regardless of where you are in your spirituality, if you have felt rejected by a church, avidly involved in one, or somewhere in between, ask yourself this: do you love others like God loves you? Do you forgive others like God forgives you?