Dear everyone who says I am "too young" to get married,
I am 21 years old, and I am engaged to the absolute love of my life. While my age might make people assume that I haven't had enough "life experience" or gained enough "wisdom" to get married...let me ask you this, how much is enough? While I may not have had the same experiences as some 30, 40, 50 year-olds, and beyond, what is wrong with gaining that life experience while sharing a meaningful, wonderful relationship with somebody I love with all of my heart?
By what standards as a society did we decide it was okay to place an "appropriate time-frame" on which someone is "ready" to get married, "ready" to buy a house, or "ready" to have children? While I am young, I would say that I have a lot of knowledge, and by that I mean I possess a lot of knowledge about love and marriage at such a young age. One thing I have learned throughout my five-year long relationship with my now fiance is that when life throws hardships our way, we would rather work it out together as a team as opposed to throwing our relationship away just like that. There are seven lessons I have learned about love that I think it is very important to understand:
1). Love is not only based on feelings. Although after five years, I still get that tingly, happy feeling sometimes when I look at my fiance, and although butterflies in the stomach are great, you cannot use those as a gauge for the success of your relationship in the long term. Why? Because butterflies come and go. We as a society need to learn to base our relationships on things more substantial than a fleeting feeling. We'd be less likely to give up on our relationships if we were to do this. Love is a choice. Love is action, love is friendship, love is commitment, love is compromise, and love is communication. Feelings of love are just icing on the cake. There are great, but you need the foundation first!
2). Lower your expectations! Many marriages fail and end in divorce because people are too afraid to voice their wishes. Your partner is not a mind reader, and neither are you. Talk to each other! Communicate! Don't expect your partner to "just know" what you need.
3). Love takes work. Many people get caught up in the "Hollywood" idea of things. They think a good relationship starts out amazing and as long as it starts out that way, it will stay that way all on its own until the end of time. I have news for you, it doesn't work that way. You need to put work into your relationship to make it last. *refer back to #1.
4). Relationships are a two-way street. You need to help each other. You are team, and it should stay that way. Do not leave your partner feeling like the relationship is one-sided. Relationships take effort from both sides in order to be successful. If he does the cooking one night, you can do the cooking the next night. Make it a date, and fold the laundry together! Make an effort, and show up for your partner!
5). It is not your partner's job to complete you. So many people think it is only their partner's job to make them happy. It is not only your partner's job to do that, it is also your job! While it is nice to have someone to love, to make you smile, to make you laugh, and to make your day better...it is also important for you to take care of you! If more people fulfilled themselves and looked inward so they could have a more optimistic attitude, can you imagine how many less marriages would fail? Do something for you once in a while, and you will be surprised how much life it brings to your relationship when you fulfill yourself! When we do things for us, our relationship is healthier and happier as a result!
6). Don't shove "little" things under the rug. What I mean by this, is if something is bothering you about your relationship, let your partner know so they can fix it. Have the little disagreements now to avoid the "big fight" later. The longer you let little things build up, the worse it will be in the long run.
7). This one is the most important: Make time for each other. It sounds so simple but sometimes this one can be really difficult for couples especially ones who have been together for a long time. But seriously, this one will really improve your relationship. Talk, laugh together, kiss, say I love you, and just spend time with each other. So many couples lose sight of what is important. Don't. Just because you have been together for a while doesn't mean you can't show your love, or you should just assume your partner knows you love them. Tell them you love them, show them, and mean it.
With all of this being said, I know being young that my fiance and I might not have all the money in the world yet, but with finishing school and a lot of hard work, we know it will pay off in time. We already implement these 7 things in our relationship every single day. Even in high school, well before we started dating, I always knew I wanted to find someone to spend my life with. I was never interested in "just dating for fun" as I knew I wanted the consistency, faithfulness, and a strong foundation for a relationship that would stand the test of time. Now that I have found the love of my life, I could not be more grateful. I am so happy I have found someone to build a life with, buy a home with, start a family with, laugh with, share my hopes and dreams with, cry with, and love for the rest of my life with all of my heart. Yes, I have fears as I only hope I can be half the wife he deserves. No, our relationship is not perfect. No, I am not 100% prepared, but who can say they are truly 100% prepared for anything when the future holds so many unknowns? But what I do know for sure is that we love each other unconditionally, and we are going into this marriage with our eyes and our hearts wide open. Yes, life will get hard and it will sometimes get messy. Yes, we are young, but we are wise, and we are ready. Marriage? Here we come.
Yours truly,
The 21-year old bride-to-be. <3
