Snickers,
It’s barely been five months since I last saw you, and I still miss you every day. You were my best friend for 13 years. Even though you couldn’t have a proper conversation with me, or really understand half of the things I was telling you, I still loved you so much. I told you everything that happened in my life, big or small. I swear you knew more about me than my best friend does. I still remember when we went to pick you out, and of all the puppies that were born, you were the only one I wanted to play with. We brought you home when I was just 5 years old, and from then on the two of us grew up together.
You were there for all the milestones in my life. My first day of high school, I came home and there you stood, wagging your tail. When I got my driver's license, we went out on the road together; when I got my first job, you eagerly waited for me to come home every night. You were there to lick the tears off my face during my first heartbreak, and when I graduated from high school you let me take all those pictures with you, even though I could tell you really didn't want to.
Unfortunately, I lost you before we reached the next milestone, college. Having to put you down the day before I left on this new journey was brutal. I never thought that the day would actually come. To this day I've still never told anyone those last few words I spoke as I said goodbye; they're only meant for me and you. I think I cried my eyes dry that night; being in that house without you was brutal, and I only had to be there for one night. I had planned my goodbye as I left for school in the morning, never thinking I would have to say a permanent one the night before.
Coming home from school for Thanksgiving was harder than I imagined it would be. Since I had left for school right after losing you, I never knew what it was like to walk around the corner and not see you lying there. I missed all the times that I would sneak downstairs in the middle of the night and just lie there with you; I missed the times I would force you to try to take a selfie with me and fail epically. Every time I used the cheese, made popcorn or pancakes, got a bowl of cereal or scooped some ice cream, I couldn't help but remember all the times you would stand by my side until I gave you some of your favorite foods.
Something is changing soon, though, Snick. We’re getting a new puppy, and even though I’m filled with excitement, it also makes me miss you more. Slowly it’s been getting easier without you, and yet there’s a part of me that feels like you’re being replaced. It just doesn’t seem fair to you and all the memories you left me with.
You were the first living thing that I learned to love unconditionally and you were the first that I lost. August 18, 2015 was one of the hardest days of my life, but you’re not in pain anymore and I’m finally coming to peace with your passing. I want you to know that no matter how many more dogs I love in my lifetime, you were the first. And I will never forget you, buddy, your pawprint on my arm being proof of that.
For now I hope you’re spending your days running through fields, chasing squirrels, and stuffing as many tennis balls in your mouth as you can. I truly believe that you are having the best time up in doggy heaven and that fills my heart with warmth. Thank you for growing up with me, Snickers. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Save a round of the biscuit game to play with me. I’ll see you again one day, Snick.
Love, Erin
