I would like to start off by saying that I am OK, but I do get upset.

Growing up without you is probably one of the hardest things I have ever faced in my life. However, it wasn't growing up without you that was the hardest part. The hardest part was watching everyone around me have fun with their dads and I didn't have you. All the stories I hear about how amazing you were are always great, but I still will always wish that I had some stories of my own. And I admit, I get a little jealous every time I see someone out with their dad having fun, but I don't feel guilty for being jealous because I know a relationship with you is something I will always long for. I think the first time I ever craved for your presence was when I had to face that awkward moment when there was a daddy - daughter event in middle school. You know how almost every middle/high school has some type of event where I was supposed to invite you and we were supposed to make the funniest and fondest memories ever? Those are the kind of events I wish you were here for. I even wish you were here for the small daddy - daughter shopping trips to the mall, because let's admit it, you would have spoiled me. I even wish you were here for something as small as being there to pick me up when I got out of school or coming to my college campus to surprise me with lunch.

Also, this may seem weird, but filling out school forms and applications was and is always very awkward for me. Especially when I was younger and the form asked for both my parents names and I had to face the awkward moment of asking mom or my teacher what to put in the blank where it said "father's name". I know this may not seem like something that would upset me, but all it does is remind me that you aren't here and that you will never be here. I also wish you were here to help me handle my heartbreaks. It's hard seeing girls lean on their dads for support through life and heartbreak and you're not here for me to lean on. I know it may sound cliche', but not having you here to lean on in those times makes me a lot more vulnerable.

Now I want to talk about the biggest thing I wish you were here for and that is for you to have been here to help me move into my dorm freshman year and just to be here all throughout my college years. Watching all the people with their moms and dads both helping them move in really weakened my heart. It wasn't just watching people's dads help, but it was mainly watching the girls hug their dads as they told them goodbye. It made me wish I could have said goodbye to you before you left. However, with all this being said, I still thank you. Thank you for watching over me each and every day. Thank you for being here, in spirit, whenever I have a bad day and break down and cry. Thank you for listening to me talk about literally everything. Thank you for the four years of my life you were present, because although I don't remember them, I hear we were inseparable. Thank you for giving Alishia and Ira Jr. the best time they could have had with you and thank you for giving mama a wonderful marriage. Thank you for being you. I love you and I miss you.