Dear Ma and Ba,
If I could say this in Fujianese, I would, but just like my fluency, our relationship is not great. For the past couple of months, I have really been struggling to admit one thing to myself. As I write this, my tears dramatically roll out of my eyes. This is petrifying. I came from telling no one to practically telling the world. As great as I am at hiding secrets, I cannot hide this one. I have known all along that this moment would be inevitable. The more I keep this part of me locked up, the more I feel physically ill. At first, I thought taking a soccer ball to the chest was painful and it is, but not compared to this.
I have had boyfriends, a couple of them. I have held hands with boys; I have kissed and made out with boys. You probably already knew that, though. Something that you may not know is that I have also held hands with girls; I have also kissed and made out with girls. To me, it does not matter if they are a boy or a girl. To me, all that matters are my feelings and my feelings have never lied to me. OK, my feelings are not the only thing that matters to me, but you get what I mean. I am scared to ask what you might feel right now. To be completely honest, I am more afraid of how to tell you. The language barrier is not the only thing that has driven us apart. Just picture how ridiculous it would be if I copied and pasted this letter into Google translator and played the audio to you.
You have accepted me as the daughter who did not go to what you consider a good middle school, or an "Ivy League high school," and I am definitely not attending a private college or university that either of you would consider to be prestigious. Could you possibly also accept me as the daughter who is not limited to only having feelings for boys?
It is so sad how I struggle to tell my friends. I know they are accepting of people and they will understand. I have seen them do it, but it would be so much easier to tell them if I could just tell you. You are my parents. I have been shown and told all my life that I should be able to tell you anything, but I guess the grass has always been greener on Disney Channel. As I sob while writing this open letter to you, I feel like I can only choose one out of the two choices. Choice A: I can live a life loving whomever my heart desires without your acknowledgment, or choice B: I can live a life loving you.
By the way, this is not a phase. I am too old for that.
Love from your daughter,
Winnie Guo
