As a member of Orientation Staff last summer, one of my responsibilities was to teach my group of incoming freshmen about how to succeed in college. In one of our activities, I had to read to them a number of statements, which they would respond by “stepping over the line." Have you ever been depressed? If yes, step over the line. Have you ever had too much to drink? Step over the line.
The activity is a way to gauge one's own understanding of oneself. It's necessarily disruptive and uncomfortable because as a staff member it was my responsibility to connect it to life in college. But, of course, it's pretty difficult to boil down an array of questions ranging from alcohol to mental stability into a minute and a half talk. I planned it out because I didn't want to waste this chance. I wanted these kids to know what I wanted to hear four years ago. So I told them (not word for word, of course):
“Choose the people you share your life with wisely. When I say that, I first mean the cliché phrase, 'College is unlike any other time in your life.' No one is here to judge who you spend your time with. It is ultimately the individual's choice. And, of course, that's a gift and a curse.
It's the opportunity to take chances, meet people completely unlike yourself, the people who you were afraid to talk to in high school. This is a gift that you've been given; so use it. But also know that you might become someone you don't recognize. You may even hate this person. But always have the presence of mind to know when that change has happened.
So, as a general guideline, don't devote yourself completely to the people that you only drink with. The people are fun, yes, but if you don't want to see them sober, you most likely won't want to share your entire life with them. Here I speak from experience. I know this is a waste of time, and I won't let anyone else waste his or hers.
Instead, I say that you should think of the person that means the most to you. Think why. Think of your experiences with this person and how much it has meant to you in your life. And as you start your college experience, look for the people who have the qualities, who give you similar experiences. Because in reality, why would you want to settle for anything less?"
To be honest, I never said this or anything similar to it. I felt rushed as I spoke, and my words were clunky and jumbled. But now that the year is over and that group has a year of experience, I wonder if they learned the lessons that I forgot to tell them. Or did they (god forbid) fall into those sad possibilities?
In the end, this is all just a fumbling around for experience, mistakes, and ultimate successes. It's a constant step back and forth between the imaginary lines we create during Orientation Week. This all teaches us more about ourselves. And hopefully, it also teaches us about the people we're stepping over the line with.
