Dear closeted self,

I know you're sitting alone in your room crying right now because you're scared out of your mind. You're fourteen and not even sure you know what the word "gay" even means, let alone bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and all of the other labels and identities you're going to throw around over the next six years.

You're scared because when your grandmother says the word "homosexuals", it sounds like she's spitting out bile. You know that your father has a tattoo of Jesus on his bicep and you're hyper-aware of what the people in your family's parish think of those kinds of people. You don't know how you'd even try to tell your mother that you don't think you'll be able to give her the biological grandkids she talks so much about. You're scared because, at this point, you've never heard of a gay person who got to be happy.

Breathe, kid. Because you're going to be just fine.

That doesn't mean it's going to be easy. At first, it's going to be a lot of lying. Sneaking behind your mother's back, telling her you're studying when you go to Gay-Straight Alliance meetings. Telling your grandmother that you're not dating any nice boys yet because you're focusing on school. Trying not to wince when your stepfather tells you he spoke to a nice young man in one of your science classes he thinks you'd be just darling with. Going on dates with girls and telling people you're just going to hang out with a friend. Hiding your tightly-clasped hands under tables and looking over shoulders before you show any affection.

But I'm telling you, sweetheart, you're going to kiss a girl for the first time, and everything is going to fall into place. When she holds your hand, you won't care what the world thinks of you. There's a reason that people say there's power in love. You're going to spend a lot of time being worried out of your mind. But you're also going to spend a lot of the later years finding strength in your identity, in the people you love.

There's a YouTuber you're going to grow to love by the name of Hannah Hart, and she said once that "being in the closet is like being somewhere alone in the dark." She's right. And I hope you know that it doesn't have to be like that. You are lost, but you are by no means alone. The friends that you have now, and will continue to make, will love you no matter what. They just want you to be happy. And they will jump through hoops to make sure you feel safe.

Coming out is a continuous experience. You will have to come out to your mother numerous times before she even kind of gets it. It will hurt just as bad every time. It will feel like she doesn't care. A lot of harsh words will be said. But in the end, she's just scared for you because she knows how this world treats people like you. And she doesn't want to see you hurt. Step back, try to keep calm. It's going to take time. She will come around.

For now, focus on the good. Feel the warmth from kissing girls. Go to GSA and find friends that understand the parts of you that you don't really understand yet. Go to your first Pride. (And then march in NYC Pride with your college marching band!) Feel amazed that there are so many people out there who feel the same thing you do. Cry tears of joy when your marriage is legalized in all fifty states. You will come to laugh at the protestors with their signs about burning in hell. You know better. You know that if there is a God out there, they would never demonize love, no matter its form.

I'm not going to tell you that it's silly to be scared. You have every right to be. But darling, there is so much beauty ahead of you. Love doesn't necessarily make the world go around, but it sure makes it a nicer place to live in. And your love does not make you wrong, or bad, or evil. It just makes you different. You've never liked the idea of being normal anyway.

At this point, you've never heard of a gay person who got to be happy.

Well, smile, kid. You're going to be one of them.

Love always,

Your out self.

PS. Happy Pride!