This is to the 14-year-old girl who finds herself getting flustered around other girls. This is to the 16-year-old boy who is confused because he likes other boys as well as girls. This is to the 19-year-old person who, for the first time in their life, is questioning their gender identity. This is to all of you.
I know the feeling of being afraid. It is one I hold close to me every time that I participate in a discussion about the LGBT community. How much information is okay to give? Is this really a safe space? I was always so terrified of anyone finding out that I was bisexual.
As a young teenager I would cover it up. I would suppress these feelings and believed that I was going to be punished by God one day for something I could not control. I would go to church every week and even attended church camp. I wanted to feel normal. I did not want to struggle this much as a mere child. I figured that if I just ignored it then it would go away. I know that you may feel this too. Perhaps you are having a faith crisis. This happened to me when I decided to come out and I ended up changing my faith. But you don’t have to do that. Your life does not have to change.
You may live in a household that is unsupportive and I know how scary that must feel. You want to just curl up and hide away; anything to not be hurt or kicked out onto the streets. The amount of homeless LGBT youth is enough to make me want to throw up and I know that this scares you.
You may question whether or not your parents and other family members love you. Maybe you choose to stay in the closet out of fear of being a disappointment. Even if you do have supportive parents, maybe you just don’t want to put them through certain things. Same with your friends.
I once had a male friend who discovered that he was homosexual. This was a guy that was popular and even on sports teams. He was terrified of coming out to the hyper-masculine friends of his and instead ended up waiting until he left for college to come out. He did not get to experience a first love in high school that we grow up fantasizing about.
And then there is Orlando. This shook us all. I remember reading an article from an older person in the LGBT community that spoke of the struggles that the older generations went through so that we would not have to face this only for it to happen anyways. It is hard to come out when you see these headlines. Constant threats of death on your life is not something to be taken lightly.
But I want to let you know that despite all of this it is important to give yourself a break. I know that you may feel hurt and it may not be the best time right now but one day it will be better. I promise that once you come out there is a huge community for you. There are safe spaces and support groups. There are people you can talk to. There are places you can go. You do not have to limit yourself for other people. You are a person and you have a voice. We are people too and we matter. We exist. You exist. Your feelings are so important and your happiness is not you being selfish.
You can allow yourself to be happy. You can finally exhale that breath you took when you decided to hold everything inside because you can be who you are.
