You wasted so much time on me, but I wasted more time on you. Countless nights of tossing and turning, crying in the shower, shaking before seeing you at school. You weren’t worthy of my time, my fear. I was your enemy and I don’t even know why. I don’t even think you knew either. I was an easy target and knocking me down felt good.

You made me feel pathetic. I felt worthless and invisible. You followed me around everywhere I went. I saw you in the mirror, when I closed my eyes at night, when I was just out with my friends. You were everywhere and I had no escape. When you were gone you were still there telling me everything that was wrong with me. You were like a black shadow following my every move and I could never run from it.

You made me feel uncomfortable in my skin. You took away the happy girl I used to be. You gave me scars.

I lost so many friends because of you. I realized that people were willing to follow someone to fit in and feel good about themselves, no matter the consequences.

I can still hear the laughter, see the stares, and remember the rumors like it was yesterday. I can still remember throwing myself on my bed crying thinking “Why me?” praying for it to stop. “I can’t do this anymore” I thought, every day.

You broke me into a thousand pieces. I didn’t think it would end. You made it hard to see a brighter future. I was stuck in a cycle of endless hate. My vision was cloudy and to me, I was never going to be OK again. I was wrong.

Everyday I felt like I was drowning. No one could see it. No one could help me. I just sank until I couldn’t continue sinking anymore. I fought and pushed my way to the top until I could float again. You might of broken me but you made me stronger. You made me realize I was worth something and the girl I saw in the mirror, she was going to be OK.

All those hateful comments are nothing but old memories that have built me into the strong woman that I am; knock me down again, I dare you. I am beautiful, funny, smart, caring, passionate, creative and strong. I’m a loyal friend, kind sister, and loving daughter and, most importantly, I AM worth something.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still dealing with the effects of your hateful words and actions. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t replay the memories in my head on my bad days. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive every word that left your mouth and knocked me down. I forgive that you wasted your energy and time into hating every fiber of my being. I forgive that you made me hate myself. Me not forgiving you is just more time I waste on you and you aren’t worthy of my time.

And if you’re that girl or boy crying in your bed, you’re not alone. Cry until you can’t cry anymore and then look in the mirror. You ARE worth something. You are beautiful, loved and capable of so many things. You are far from worthless so don’t even think for a second that the universe is better off without you. You are going to get through this never ending battle and when you do, look in the mirror again. You are worth something. It’s going to end. It’s going to be OK. Breath.