Throughout our friendship, there have been many times you left me speechless. From a tear rolling down your face to the topic just being brought up in conversation, your mom’s death is nothing new to me. Yet every time it is brought up I find myself at a loss for word. How am I supposed to comfort you when I have no idea what you went through? Although it puts me in a tough position, It one of my favorite conversations. Hearing about who your mother was, lets me into a part of your life I was not there for. Talking about your mother's passing shows me your strength and helps me to know why you are the person you are today. I may not have known her but the stories you tell keep me wishing that I did.

Throughout our many years of friendship, watching you grow has taught me many morals I now hold today. The most important thing you taught me was how to keep faith in myself when life doesn’t go your way. I have seen you have to go through some tough moments but you have never let that stop you from reaching your goals and being successful. You have a way of acting tough even when you have every reason to breakdown.

Acting tough seems to be your thing. During one of our countless conversations about your mother or a different life challenge, I started to be able to recognize when you are just trying to act tough. Although I recognize it now, I will never be the one to say stop acting tough and start crying. It is not my place to tell you how to cope. It is my place to wipe your tears when you finally break down and have ice cream ready for you. It is my place to sit on your bed, hold your hand, and remind everything will be okay even when it doesn’t seem like it. I am not your guidance counselor, I am your best friend. Go ahead and cry, I will be next to your bed within seconds with tissues and the strength you need to get through that moment.

I know you are not one to cry when things get tough, you just leave subtle hints that it’s a tough day by bringing up memories or relating things back to your mother. In those moments, I will laugh with you or ask questions knowing this is one of the moments you want to talk about her. There are many things I have said in the past in these moments, but there is also many things I have left unsaid. Here are all the things I wish I could say in those moments;

I wish I could tell you that I have no doubt she is proud of the person you have become and the amount of strength you have every minute of every day.

I wish I could tell you how much I love hearing you talk about her because even when you are crying your eyes light up when you talk about her.

I wish I could tell you there is no topic that is off-limits, if you need me, I am here.

I wish I could tell you how many times I knew something was wrong but I didn’t ask because I knew if you needed me, you would come to me. I knew that if I asked, I would only get the tough girl act.

There may be many things I haven’t said, but I am thankful for every word you have said. I feel blessed to be let into a part of your life that I know cannot be easy to talk about. I am honored to be someone you confide in.

May there be many more conversations about your beautiful mother that I wish I could have met.

Sincerely, your best friend