Tonight is the last time I see you boys before you go on your hiatus.

I am sitting in my office at work, listening to Made in the A.M. and finding it very difficult not to cry. This album is so honest and raw. It has so much emotion - it’s bringing out emotions I didn’t know I even had in me. Thinking about your decision and temporary “goodbye” hurts.

Before I start talking about why it hurts, I will acknowledge the fact that you have spoiled us fans rotten. Five albums in five years. We got an album every single year. We had something to look forward to. Every. Single. Year. We had songs to memorize. We had a tour to get ready for. We had more inside jokes to laugh at. We had talk shows we struggled to look for links to. We had award shows to stay up for. We had photos and videos to admire. We had all this. And we had it to get us through our days.

We grew up more and more every single year with you. We went from Up All Night, to Take Me Home, to Midnight Memories, to Four, to Made in the A.M. We went from only wanting to have a laugh and not caring about the tables breaking, to hitting the pedal heavy metal, to taking up your mind with little white lies. We were ready to run and built it up so high and now we’re falling… It’s a long way down.

Some of us graduated middle school, high school and even college. And you were with us every step of the way, these past five years. Whether we skipped school to see you at the airport, the radio station, a concert, or just played you as background music while doing homework, you got us through it all.

Some of us lost loved ones: family, friends and relationships. Your music, your smiles, your advice... your “massive thank you”s got us through it all.

As an older fan, you aren’t my first boyband love affair. I had NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. But I think the most important thing that sets you apart from any other boyband in the past, is how much we had of you. I think I can speak for all of us fans when I say we really felt a connection with you. As strange as it sounds (trust me, I know it sounds very odd), I feel like you’re my friends. Every day I checked up on you - I somehow always knew where you were and what you were doing. You constantly talked to us through social media. Always updated us on Twitter and Instagram. Even before we saw it, we knew. It’s incredible the things we did as fans. And it was even more incredible to be a part of something this big.

Going to a concert alone doesn’t feel lonely anymore. We’re never alone because we have each other. We are a family. When something bad happens, we are all here to comfort each other. When something great happens, we all celebrate together. There were definitely fights and issues some of us weren’t mature enough to handle and let it get the best of us. We lost some but gained more. Making friends on the internet wasn’t weird anymore. Making friends in real life wasn’t weird anymore. It’s the passion we had for you that brought us all together. It pushed us to not only support one another but our own selves.

For the past five years, this was home:

Watching you be yourselves in interviews and on stage and analyzing those little things you do that make us smile helped shape us to be better versions of ourselves. We felt more comfortable, safe and secure knowing we had you.

You can't just leave us. We've gotten through so much together. You made some of us the happiest we've ever been. And to take that away even just for a little bit hurts. I can only imagine what you had to go through though.

Fans or detectives? We pieced things together so easily. There are things we know that we shouldn’t and there are things we think we know. Your lives were such at reach to us. And this is where I realize: you deserve this break.

You’ve given us so much.

The past five years have been incredible. I can’t even put in words how much you mean to me. To all of us.

And as I watch you tonight, I will never forget the night I found out about you. All the video diaries and “funny moments” videos. I’ll never forget the night I stayed up and watched every single YouTube video I could find and falling asleep to the “More Than This” acoustic version you performed on Sirius XM on repeat (because Niall’s solo was such a big deal).

We’ve all met some of our greatest friends because of you; outside of hotels, airports, and other unusual places to make friends. We’ve learned to love ourselves and that it’s okay to be different. We’ve learned to be more open-minded and never be judgmental towards anyone’s passions. We organize projects and donate to charity. We all strive to be better and it’s been quite a journey.

“So don’t let it go, we can make some more. We can live forever."

The twenty-something minutes we get of you tonight will mean the world to me and I will cherish every minute of it.

Until next time, boys...

Thank you.