It was a Friday night at dinner when I went down a list of plastic surgeries I wanted in front of my parents, half joking because I thought it was funny to talk about, half “if I had insurance that covered plastic surgery I would be in the office tomorrow.” Now I can’t handle pain on any level so plastic surgery is more of a joking fantasy to me but, I really had never seen such a sad look on my parents faces.

My parents are old school, they don’t understand growing in today’s day and age and pressures that come with it. They especially don’t understand the selfish desires of going under a knife that you don’t have to. When I saw their reactions, I wasn’t surprised really, I mean I knew they saw me differently then I saw myself, but it made me think. If only we all looked in the mirror and saw ourselves the way our loved ones saw us. I know every time I hear a friend or family member complain about a flaw in their appearance I never see it the way they do.

I began thinking about the things I really would change if I could, you know a nose job, make my eyes a little less squinty, and maybe even change the color of my eyes if I had that power to make them a color more fitting of a blonde. Then I had a moment. I have the squinty eyes of my mother, the person who I love and respect and think is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I have the dark brown eye color of my dad; whose eyes are the ones that have seen me throw some of the worst and best moments in my life. I am a mix of my nationalities both that I should be so proud of. The second I took into consideration all the things I wanted to change I nearly jumped out of my seat. If I really would change those things about myself, I wouldn’t be the mix of the two people who I love the most, my parents, and God had already taken care of that.

All of the times I thought that changing these things would make me feel better about myself and closer to who I was, I was so wrong. It would only take me further away from the person I am, and there is no state I could see myself being more lost in. The vein soul-searching, I thought I needed to do to feel better about myself reminded me of one thing, if you are feeling insufficient in any aspect of your life, changing yourself to look, act, or feel like everyone else will only bring you further from who you truly are. We need to be more proud of the things that represent the mix of people, heritage, and life experiences that brought us to this earth.