There are definitely surface perks to being an only-child, I won’t act like there aren’t. I don’t have to share my belongings. I don’t have to worry about hand-me-downs. All of my ‘toys’ didn’t have to be shared when I was younger. The most common statement I get is how nice it must be to have ‘all the attention’ from my parents (that, and the fact that Christmas is basically a birthday party). But focusing on the attention factor, it got me thinking about others’ perspectives.
I was talking to my suite mate the other day and she, also being an only-child, made a point I hadn’t even thought of when brainstorming for this article. She indicated that where people with siblings are able to open up to their brothers or sisters respectively, she has that same relationship with her mom.
Being an only-child allows us to have all the attention in the sense that it isn’t divided between multiple people when trying to communicate one-on-one. Instead of going home to a sister and telling them about what some girl said to me in the hallway of my dorm, I go straight to my mom. If my heart gets broken, it’s my dad that helps me pick up the pieces, not an older brother. In addition, whenever I had a performance or game, I didn’t have to worry about if both my parents would be there or if they would be split between sibling events. It is definitely something I’ve taken for granted. Having the attention and spotlight whenever I chose to pursue a new activity has definitely been, and continues to be, a huge blessing in my life.
On the flip side, there are definitely some negative aspects of being an only-child. With the attention comes, well, attention. Like to things you don’t necessarily want your parents paying attention to. I was a relatively good kid growing up so my parents rarely, if ever, had to deal with any serious issues or situations I landed myself in. But, with that being said, they also didn’t have anybody to compare me to. I didn’t have a ‘bad sibling’ to make me look good.
With that came more strictness attached to lesser ‘crimes.’ When I did do something wrong or broke the rules, it was a big deal because it wasn’t common and even if the worst thing I ever did was, say, leave my laundry in the washing machine, it was still the worst thing I ever did. And what happens when you do the worst thing ever? You get the worst punishment ever (usually the confiscation of my phone or loss of car privileges). All of this, to their credit, made me into the person I am today and has inherently taught me to be aware of the fact that, regardless of those around me, I am held to certain expectations.
In college, it’s like having a sibling named Distance. Where Distance is something I thought I wanted from my parents, it’s now what’s keeping me from having their undivided attention. While having a sibling is something I thought I always wanted, my upbringing is something that I wouldn’t give up for the world. Being able to schedule a lunch date with my mom without worrying about if another sibling would need her more and having my dad around all the time to be a shoulder to lean on was definitely taken for granted. I am beyond blessed to have been raised in a household of love. And while my parents can attest to the fact that my entire childhood consisted of me begging for a little brother or little sister, I have grown to appreciate and cherish the relationship that’s blossomed between our little family of three.
