A Letter To The One Who Never Seems To Fit In

I can count on one hand the times in my life where I actually felt like I fit in with a group of people. That’s not to say I don’t love people, that I don’t appreciate their company or see how beautiful and amazing they are. But I almost always feel like the odd one out, the one who can’t help but see through everything, can’t help growing and changing and always being different.

I went through many different denominations of Christianity hoping to find a place where I fit in, a place where people believed like me. I would get so excited and at first, I would feel like I fit in like I finally found my home, a group of people who were like me, but then I would change and grow, and my beliefs would change with me. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but question everything I believed. But as soon as I changed, well suddenly I didn’t fit in anymore. I was once again alone.

Maybe you feel like this too. Like no matter what you do, no matter what group of people you join, you can never fit in. It can be hard and lonely, I know. For a while I tried to force myself to be like my old self, to try to fit in again. I tried to make myself believe like they did, keep playing the part that I was still that way, but even the thought of trying to force myself left me depressed. I realized the truth is I will never fit in. It took me years to learn to accept it.

As hard as it is to feel alone, don’t force yourself to be someone you’re not just to try to fit in. That won’t make you happy. Being fake will still leave you feeling alone and empty, and there’s nothing worse than feeling alone in a crowded room. If there’s one person you can be real with, it’s yourself, so be you. Accept that you may never fit in, and you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to be different and not fit in. Maybe it’s actually a mark of intelligence that you can’t just go along with the crowd, that you can’t just accept things at face value and you have to dig deeper and question them.

There are very few people that I feel connected to, that I can actually be myself with. My husband is one of the those few people, but you know what? That’s okay. Find that one person or those two or three people in this world who accept you and love you for you, who will still love you even when your beliefs change, even when you grow and question things, someone who will love you every step of the way.

Those people are the ones who truly matter. You may never find a group of people who believe the same things, who will change with you, but that’s okay. When you learn to accept yourself, you will realize that fitting in with people is overrated. You will be much happier being yourself than faking it and forcing yourself to be someone you’re not.

It is also important to know when to move on when people are no longer helping you grow, when you’re having to be someone you’re not when you’re with them. It’s okay to leave those people behind and go on your way, you’ll meet more people, and just because you used to belong with them does not mean you have to stay with them now.

Often old friends want to hold onto the person they think you are, the person they accept and understand. In some people’s minds, you will never change and they will always see the old you or the fake you and never really know the real you. It’s easier for people to accept what they understand and hard to accept those they don’t understand.

We may never fit in, but that is okay, we are unique and brilliant because of that. Because of our inability to fit in maybe we are more capable of accepting ourselves and accepting others, seeing beyond narrow beliefs, behaviors, and expectations. Maybe we are actually free. Being unable to fit in might be lonely, but I am beginning to think it is a good thing.

We learned we can never meet people’s expectations so we give up trying and let go of trying to please people. Instead, we learn to finally be true to ourselves which is the most courageous thing a person can do. Be you! You are brilliant, courageous, smart and don’t let the people who don’t understand you put you down or tell you otherwise.