A friend of mine always asks me if we’re weird — if he’s weird — for wanting to be with more than one person. We’re both polyamorous, and I wanted to write about it since he brought it up again. He’s a very sensitive person, and a bit of a people pleaser which worries me. I tell him all the time we aren’t strange, other people are. That’s not assurance for him, but honestly there are a lot of weirdoes who want to criticize something they don’t understand and don’t have to do.

Polyamory is just as natural as monogamy. No, it doesn’t give you the excuse to cheat on your lovers, because everyone is a part of the relationship. It doesn’t devalue relationships either. It’s like that crap I (still) hear about bisexual people not being able to make up their minds. Who are you to say people have to choose one or the other? The same goes for polyamory.

I also don’t want people to assume it’s a sexed up fantasy. All couples and lovers have issues, and a particularly universal one is jealousy. Like anyone else, we strive to reassure our lovers that there’s no competition and give each the attention and affection they need. It’s just as hard as monogamy, maybe harder in some areas, but we’re just as devoted to loving our significant others.

There also isn’t anything about this that promotes bigoted sexist fantasies about women. I really want to stress that, because if straight people can be polyamorous, then of course gay people can be too. I’m not advocating for people to try it, and I don’t need them to approve or like it, but I do want them to understand the difference between multiple lovers in a committed relationship and cheaters. People who cheat have no desire to build lasting relationships. They break trust, hearts and damage people so deeply that they feel they can never love again.

Real love is honestly complicated, but it strives for trust. It’s selfish and giving, weak and strong, passionate and platonic -- all at the same time. It’s selfish because we sometimes feel like we can’t or won’t let our lovers go, or that we demand affection or lavish gifts from them, but then we regain our senses and let go, give them space, and spoil them with affection. Love is weak because it can convince us that we can’t go on without a person, which is why we feel like we can move mountains when they're next to us. It’s passionate in embraces, kisses and all those other things that makes your blood rush and heart beat faster. As good as that feels, love is also kind, loyal and blossoms dear friendships. All these ups and downs, these exciting and memorable moments, aren’t exclusive to monogamous couples alone.

So, my dearest friend, if you’re reading this, I sincerely hope you don’t feel strange about polyamory again.