It's in those moments when you are sitting on the edge of your bed quietly crying, or sitting in your car that's parked in a random lot so no one can hear your screams, or when you wake up in the middle of the night from a dead sleep with tears coming down your face that you are thinking to yourself, "If I could just talk to you one more time". I know that feeling, I'm in that place right now with you. So right now, wherever you may be while reading this- close your eyes and take a breath, you're not alone.
Yes, I talk to the open sky.
Missing someone no matter the situation can be very difficult to process, especially if you're trying to do it alone. Maybe talking about how you feel in general is hard, and that's okay too. I don't like to express how I feel or talk to others when I know there's a chance that I may.. shall I dare say the word... Cry. So I find these "safe" places where I can be real, raw, and release everything that I've been holding in. Where is your safe place? I usually pick my car where I go on a drive and find a nice place where I know I won't be bothered. I will roll the windows down, take a deep breath, and look up to the sky. When I want to cry, scream, talk, or even just sit in silence- the sky is my safe place. Sometimes I am having a conversation with God (yes, I know he is everywhere and I don't have to look up, but I do), or I am imagining the person who I wish or need to talk to is right there in front of me, or I just talk to myself letting me air out everything that packed in. It may not happen right off but after a while of just being there and being still, I begin to feel better as the pressure is released. I encourage you that if you're holding a lot in, talk to the sky. You can talk to God in those moments or just talk to yourself, but know that it is perfectly okay if you just want to cry or scream and that being vulnerable with yourself is going to take you to the next step.
Just one minute.
When we are grieving over a loved one and just missing them so badly, more times than not what's going to come to our minds first is, "I wish I had just one more minute with them". I believe this is a first thought because we think that maybe just one more minute, 60 little seconds could possibly make a difference; and hey maybe those few seconds really could make a difference. So, if you had that minute, what would you do with it? Unfortunately I've lost quite a few loved ones who I would love to have a little more time with, be able to talk to again, and spend even just one more minute in their presence with; lately I've really been thinking about how precious 60 seconds can really be and how I would wish to use it. Would I use the time to give them a last hug or tell them how much I love them? With much thought, I decided that if I was given just 60 more seconds with someone that I would use it to tell them that they are loved, yes by me, but more importantly, by God. I would tell them that they are loved more than can be imagined unlimited by someone who doesn't have to wish that they had another minute with, because if they believe in Him, then they will be with Him forever in eternity. For me knowing that someone is going to be with God in Heaven rather than on this Earth in pain is comforting. Yes, losing a loved one is heartbreaking however surviving the loss while not knowing if you'll ever see them again in eternity elevates this pain to near unbearable limits.
His Love is more than Enough.
While writing this my mind lingers on my dad, whom I wish I had one last minute with. My dad left this earth on 6-29-16 and a year later I'm finally able to process some feelings and emotions regarding the choices he made. My dad's suicide shook my world, took thoughts that I had and flipped them upside down, took beliefs I had and left them confused, and honestly just left me feeling unloved. Throughout this past year by the grace of God I am able to stand up and admit that yes I have pain, scars, and a heart that's healing- but God's love is more than enough and it holds me to trust that I am indeed loved. I've spent so much time being angry this past year that even when I have "wanted just one more minute with my dad" it was just to vocalize my anger. Through processing emotions and being vulnerable with myself I've realized if given one more minute with my Dad I would choose to tell him that God's love is enough and though I may not be able to understand or change anything, that I believe God can use this for good.
60 Seconds.
Is there someone that you still have the opportunity to talk to, that you can spend 60 seconds with and just absorb their presence? How nice it would be to be able to have just one more minute to spend with a loved one that has gone on before us, but we cannot forget that we have people in our daily lives that we can employ this opportunity with. Move past your fear of rejection and tell that special person how much you like them. Tell your family members how much you love them. Tell your friends how much you appreciate them. Remind yourself that you are loved. How about spreading a smile to a stranger or telling someone about Jesus today? My question for you today, "How will you spend your next 60 seconds"?
